Football Funnies - Dec 11th... 2010

Footy Funnies - Dec 11th... 2010

CARLING CUP

2018 WORLD CUP

PREMIER LEAGUE FOCUS

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CARLING CUP

West Ham 4 Man United 0Can't believe no-one used the headline "SPECTOR SPECTACULAR, UNITED SPECTATORS"
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2018 WORLD CUP BID

The 2018 World Cup will be played in...

(DRAMATIC PAUSE - opens envelope)... Russia
The England bid sent David Cameron, David Beckham and Prince William to impress Sepp Blatter and his cronies.
But we know Blatter likes the ladies, he suggested womens football should be played in skin-tight kits.
We should have sent Thatcher, Posh Spice and Lady Diana's corpse...



CANT COUNT WON'T COUNT
England crashed Out in first round of voting, despite being promised votes from many FIFA officials
The only consolation was there was no penalty shoot outs and no disallowed goals that crossed the line. (I knew they should have took Theo Walcott)


BID IT LIKE BECKHAM
This was David Beckham's last chance to win a World Cup.
And this time he didn't even get a chance to back heel an Argie and get sent off.


PUSH THE BUTTON
I personally think Russia winning could be a good thing...
We won't have a big bang nuclear trident to worry about for the next eight years...
While they have still have nuclear weapons, can we let them host EVERY WORLD CUP?

FROM RUSSIA WITH CASH
And congratulations must go to Roman Abramovitch, who was a backer of the Russian bid
About time he saw one of his teams win a major international competition.

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PREMIER LEAGUE FOCUS
AHA - Chris Hughton Out - Alan Pardew In
Can someone please explain how a manager gets sacked from Southampton in the Third Division in August and appointed in the Premier League in December.
At this rate, Roy Keane will be sacked by Ipswich this week and turn up managing Ajax or Real Madrid in February or April.

Newcastle v Liverpool
This week saw Newcastle grab their title back from Liverpool as the biggest joke in the premier league.
Now they just have to prove it on the pitch.
Tottenham v Chelsea
For the first time since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, Spurs go into a clash with Chelsea in better form.
I wonder if Abramovitch would give up Russia's winning world cup bid in exchange for Gareth Bale at Stamford Bridge?


Man United v Arsenal
Patrice Evra told the press that Arsenal will win nothing with their team of kids.
Well that's Arsene Wengers team talk done for him.

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Until the next time
Trigger
x

The Managerial Merry-go-round Feb 14th 2009

** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Thought of the day...
Will the Chelsea manager job be the best paid part time job ever?
(I never saw that one on Gumtree...)

Guus Hiddink gets the gig, through his Russian contacts, but won't start the job this week. This gives the laundry woman an extra week to find and wash Glenn Hoddle's old Chelsea 'GH' tracksuit.
Gerard Houllier must be gutted his application was lost in the post by widcat striking British postman...

The Premier League managers went out two by two...
September: Alan Curbishley (WHU) Kevin Keegan (Noocastle)
October: Juan Ramos (Spurs) , Harry Redknapp (Portsmouth)
December: Roy Keane (Sunderland) Paul Ince (Blackburn)
February: Tony Adams (Portsmouth) Felipe (Chelski)

SueOne
Just as well Felipe Scolari is getting a pay-off from Chelsea in the region of £6-7 million after just seven months in charge.
He wont feel the need to sue Mike Riley, the ref who sent off Frank Lampard and left Chelsea with 10 men against close rivals Liverpool who went on to win with two late late goals.

Odd Odds
Avram Grant was in the fairly unique situation on Monday of being favourite for both Chelsea and Pompey jobs at one point. Now Portsmouth is his only choice, unless Sven nicks it.
I hear Grant was nicknamed BBC during his previous spell on the coast, not because he casually insulted black tennis players in the green room, but for his training methods of 'Balls, Bibs and Cones'

Licence To Shrill
Carlos Tevez had his car siezed by police on the M60 in Manchester at the weekend after they found he doesn't possess a full UK driving licence.
Tevez claimed that he drives on the licence of Kia Joorabchian who owns his soul, but police weren't having it.


Russian It Through Before The Deadline
Question marks over the time the Andre Arshavin transfer from Zenit St Petersburg to Arsenal was finalised.
Arsene Wenger has said he did not see the clock/incident.


Sue Two
Kevin Keegan is to sue Newcastle for £9 million after his dismissal as manager.
Blimey, his speeding ticket in Carlisle last week was only £750.

The Magic of The FA Cup... January 2009

** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has taken the club off the market after failing to find a buyer after three months...
After a 5-1 home defeat to Liverpool, he'll be lucky if he can give the club away for free...

Stoke player Ricardo Fuller was sent off for slapping his captain Andy Griffin during a 2-1 home defeat to West Ham.
Opposing player Lee Bowyer has described Fuller as the perfect team mate...

Thought of the day:
Tony Adams given a Premiership job after failing at Wycombe...
Is that what is meant by a Sporting Chance?


Spurs footballer crowdsurfs at Kings gigSpurs and England footballer David Bentley crowdsurfs at a Kings of Leon concert.
Typical Spurs, been playing out of position all season...


Thought of the day (2)
If the televised Preston v Liverpool game had been called off after the bad weather, could tv bosses have got a rematch of Steven Gerrard v the Living Lounge DJ to entertain viewers at home?

Player of the weekend: John Nutter (Gillingham) just because...

Thought of the day (3)
Do Gillingham have any supporters called Gill Ingham? (Quick google or facebook it...)

Thought of the day (4)
12 Million quid for Wayne Bridge. Would it have been cheaper to buy the whole of Nottingham Forest? (who knocked City out of the Cup)
It's not all doom and gloom for Mark Hughes. He can now spend more time with the transfer window...

The Magic of the FA Cup:
How comes Aston Villa didn't draw Manchester United (again) this year?

Has John got any brothers or sisters? Nathan Nutter, Natalie Nutter, Uncle? Norris Nutter...

Everyone is talking about the FA Cup draw and looking forward to Everton v Liverpool.
Personally I was looking forward to Macclesfield v Preston.

And finally...
Congratulations to Hartlepool! 55 seconds on ITV highlights!

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

They think it's all football... December 5-15th 2008

They Think It's All ffff...football

***Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

December 5th

Barry Hearn is planning to buy The Honda Formula One racing team.
He has a very succesful record of buying sporting teams for Buttons...
(Flats on the corner of Silverstone and Brands Hatch?)

December 6th
Thought of the day... If I write a film screenplay about Manchester United, will it be a
manuscript?

December 7th

Poll of the week:
If Robbie Keane goes back to spurs will it be because of
a) TheCredit crunch?  b) The January sales? c) he's crap?

December 8th

Manchester City player Darius Vassel was mugged at gunpoint of £23,000
worth of jewelry after the Manchester City Christmas party.
On the plus side, he is now eligible for a transfer to Liverpool.

December 9th

Luiz Felipo Scolari says he is under zero pressure at Chelsea, but managing Brazil was real pressure...
Having just learned that Spurs Brazilian goalkeeper Gomez has played 17 times for his country, I understand exactly what he means...

December 10th

Juan Ramos gets a job as manager of Real Madrid 45 days after being sacked by spurs.
I know the Spanish like a siesta but that is ridiculous.

December 11th

Thought of The Day... Did Arsenal fans boo Emmanuel Eboue because he has manu in his
first name? Or because his surname sounds like "eh, boo me..."

December 12th

Police released CCTV images of 16 Tottenham supporters they would like to speak to over the abuse of former player Sol Campbell.
One fan identified said he was deeply ashamed and he would not be acting in this manner at football matches again. He said "Now all my friends and work colleagues know I support Tottenham. I'm so embarrassed"

December 13th

Tottenham coach Clive Allen says Dimitar Berbatov will get a warm reception when returning to White Hart Lane with Manchester United on Saturday.
Spurs fans are planning on setting fire to his hair. 
(assuming they've not been arrested for abusing Sol Campbell)..

December 14th

Gillingham chairman Paul Scally has promised supporters to splash the cash in the next few weeks when the January transfer window opens...
The bad news for fans is he's planning to go to Woolworths...