F-f-f-f-oooootball - Your 'Aving a Larf... September 18th 2000 and Ten.

This week it's all about managers who don't turn up, and some who do.

FUNNY OLD GAME
Roy Hodgson is refusing to set any targets for his first season in charge of Liverpool.
A wise decision maybe, as former Scouse boss Rafa Benitez GUARANTEED Liverpool would finish in the Top 4 last season, only for them to finish 7th.
Rafa is now at Inter Milan, who ARE in the Champions League this season and in the group stages play last season fourth best Premier League team Tottenham Hotspur.

SACRON BLEUR
THE current French Football Teams Technical Director and occasional Aston Villa manager GERRARD HOULLIER is another man who refuses to get too carried away at press conferences.
He told Villa fans he hopd he would get the team back to a position 'between 6th & 12th in the Premier League.
With ambition like that, it's easy to see how France crashed out of the World Cup in the group stages in South Africa losing To Mexico & Uruguay.

STOKE 2 ASTON VILLA 1
Stoke announced before kick off that manager Tony Pulis would not be at the game due to the death of his mother (he actually arrived on the touchline 4 mins after k/o)
With Gerrard Houllier missing for Villa, this must be the first time a Premier League match has kicked off WITHOUT AN ACTUAL MANAGER.
A Premier League match without a manager?? Maybe it COULD catch on...




GRANT Granted Time Off For Religious Behaviour
Avram Grant has been allowed to miss the forthcoming fixture against Stoke to observe Yom Kippur.
So that's two matches Stoke have played against managerless teams. Perhaps they've been doing their own praying.

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EUROPE

MAN UNITED 0 RANGERS 0Resting 10 players from saturdays game against Everton backfired on Sir Alex Ferguson as they failed to beat Scottish champions Rangers.
In future he'll only rotate that many players against Wolves.


Messi at The MarshesLionel Messi was on Hackney Marshes on wednesday, part of a promotion for a boot sponsor, he also went to Brick Lane but never had a curry.
If only Orient had been able to reschedule the Brentford cup game forward at short notice.
Messi may have graced the La Liga, the World Cup and the Champions league, but it could have been a career highlight for him to have played at Brisbane Road in the JOHNSTONE PAINTS TROPHY.
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F-f-f-ootball - Your 'Aving A Laugh - September 13th 2010

F-f-f-f-OOTBALL....
YOUR 'AVING A LAUGH

What a week, an England footballer caught up in scandal, an England footballer injured on the pitch, an England manager steps down to spend more time as a pensioner, and an old favourite (punchline) as an old favourite returns to the premiership, or whatever it's called by the marketing people. Hold on to your seats.. Trigger

ROONEY PAYS £1,200 A NIGHT FOR PROSTITUTE

The News of The World and Sunday Mirror took a break from Cricket scandals to tell the story of Rooney 'playing away' while his wife was pregnant

I wonder what will run out first, his good looks, his money or his luck?

SWITZERLAND 1 ENGLAND 3

On the bright side, Rooney is still a vital part of the England team, and importantly a team player.

Unlike John Terry, he didn't sleep with a team-mates bird.

What Next for Rooney?

Dropped by Sir Alex on saturday for Man United's trip to his old team Everton at Goodison Park, Roo will return for the Champions League stroll v Rangers

Oh well, at least it left him free on Saturday to burn all copies of the News Of The World with Pastor Terry Jones.

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England 4 Bulgaria 0

England started 2012 qualifying comfortably thanks to Jermain Defoes hat-trick, but he now faces 3 months out after picking up an injury in Swtizerland

I suppose he wanted to spend the last few days of Big Brother in front of the telly, after picking up so many birds from the programme over the years

Switzerland 1 England 3

England ended the match in Basle with 6 Man City players on the pitch, the first time since 2001 one club had provided 6 of the England 11.

They still have a way to go to match Corinthian Casuals who supplied all 11 players for Englnd v Wales in 1894 AND 1895.

Given Man City's current cash flow, it's probably the ONLY time they'll ever be compared to the noble amateurs of Corinthian Casuals.

Thank You For The Day

England's qualifiers got off to the unusual Friday/Tuesday combination, after years (decades even) of playing Saturday/Wednesdays back to back internationals.

I suppose it gives the players an extra day to spend with prostitutes/other players birds/Big Brother contestants.

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For more up to the minute funny stuff go to www.twitter.com/radiogagger

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FABIO STEPS DOWN AFTER 2012 EURO's (TO SPEND EUROS)

Fabio Capello has announced that he will stand down as England manager after The 2012 Euro's to spend more time 'as a pensioner'

I know his English is not great, and he is well paid as England manager, but is he planning to spend more time with Wayne Rooney at £1,200 a night?

FABIO TO BE REPLACED BY ENGLISHMAN

It was well documented recently by a 'CLUB ENGLAND DIRECTOR' that the next England manager will be English.

Does that rule Mikel Arteta IN or OUT? At least it gives Martin O'Neil two years to apply for a British passport.

FABIO QUITS TO SPEND MORE TIME A PENSIONER

If England want to keep some continuity, they should choose Brucie

Not (Englishman) Steve Bruce, pensioner Bruce Forsyth.

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GERRARD WHO?

Gerrard Houllier is back in English football as Aston Villa manager but not sure when he is available to take over due to serving notice from the French Football Federation.

Perhaps Glenn Hoddle, Gus Hiddink or Glynn Hodges could step in as caretaker GH. They wouldn't need to change the initials on the tracksuit.

THE BEST EXCUSE EVER FOR MISSING A MATCH

At the press conference that welcomed him as Villa manager, Gerrard stated he would not be available for the next match (tonight) against Stoke as he had meetings to attend in his role as Technical Director for the French Federation.

I have to say that is the best excuse I've heard from an actual manager of a team. I do know of a Leyton Orient fan who missed a rare Andy Harris goal (at Oxford) for a dentist appointment but the closest he gets to picking the team is Championship Manager the PC game.

Until the next time

Trigger

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The Managerial Merry-go-round Feb 14th 2009

** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Thought of the day...
Will the Chelsea manager job be the best paid part time job ever?
(I never saw that one on Gumtree...)

Guus Hiddink gets the gig, through his Russian contacts, but won't start the job this week. This gives the laundry woman an extra week to find and wash Glenn Hoddle's old Chelsea 'GH' tracksuit.
Gerard Houllier must be gutted his application was lost in the post by widcat striking British postman...

The Premier League managers went out two by two...
September: Alan Curbishley (WHU) Kevin Keegan (Noocastle)
October: Juan Ramos (Spurs) , Harry Redknapp (Portsmouth)
December: Roy Keane (Sunderland) Paul Ince (Blackburn)
February: Tony Adams (Portsmouth) Felipe (Chelski)

SueOne
Just as well Felipe Scolari is getting a pay-off from Chelsea in the region of £6-7 million after just seven months in charge.
He wont feel the need to sue Mike Riley, the ref who sent off Frank Lampard and left Chelsea with 10 men against close rivals Liverpool who went on to win with two late late goals.

Odd Odds
Avram Grant was in the fairly unique situation on Monday of being favourite for both Chelsea and Pompey jobs at one point. Now Portsmouth is his only choice, unless Sven nicks it.
I hear Grant was nicknamed BBC during his previous spell on the coast, not because he casually insulted black tennis players in the green room, but for his training methods of 'Balls, Bibs and Cones'

Licence To Shrill
Carlos Tevez had his car siezed by police on the M60 in Manchester at the weekend after they found he doesn't possess a full UK driving licence.
Tevez claimed that he drives on the licence of Kia Joorabchian who owns his soul, but police weren't having it.


Russian It Through Before The Deadline
Question marks over the time the Andre Arshavin transfer from Zenit St Petersburg to Arsenal was finalised.
Arsene Wenger has said he did not see the clock/incident.


Sue Two
Kevin Keegan is to sue Newcastle for £9 million after his dismissal as manager.
Blimey, his speeding ticket in Carlisle last week was only £750.