F-f-f-ootball - Your 'Aving A Laugh - September 13th 2010

F-f-f-f-OOTBALL....
YOUR 'AVING A LAUGH

What a week, an England footballer caught up in scandal, an England footballer injured on the pitch, an England manager steps down to spend more time as a pensioner, and an old favourite (punchline) as an old favourite returns to the premiership, or whatever it's called by the marketing people. Hold on to your seats.. Trigger

ROONEY PAYS £1,200 A NIGHT FOR PROSTITUTE

The News of The World and Sunday Mirror took a break from Cricket scandals to tell the story of Rooney 'playing away' while his wife was pregnant

I wonder what will run out first, his good looks, his money or his luck?

SWITZERLAND 1 ENGLAND 3

On the bright side, Rooney is still a vital part of the England team, and importantly a team player.

Unlike John Terry, he didn't sleep with a team-mates bird.

What Next for Rooney?

Dropped by Sir Alex on saturday for Man United's trip to his old team Everton at Goodison Park, Roo will return for the Champions League stroll v Rangers

Oh well, at least it left him free on Saturday to burn all copies of the News Of The World with Pastor Terry Jones.

- - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

England 4 Bulgaria 0

England started 2012 qualifying comfortably thanks to Jermain Defoes hat-trick, but he now faces 3 months out after picking up an injury in Swtizerland

I suppose he wanted to spend the last few days of Big Brother in front of the telly, after picking up so many birds from the programme over the years

Switzerland 1 England 3

England ended the match in Basle with 6 Man City players on the pitch, the first time since 2001 one club had provided 6 of the England 11.

They still have a way to go to match Corinthian Casuals who supplied all 11 players for Englnd v Wales in 1894 AND 1895.

Given Man City's current cash flow, it's probably the ONLY time they'll ever be compared to the noble amateurs of Corinthian Casuals.

Thank You For The Day

England's qualifiers got off to the unusual Friday/Tuesday combination, after years (decades even) of playing Saturday/Wednesdays back to back internationals.

I suppose it gives the players an extra day to spend with prostitutes/other players birds/Big Brother contestants.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For more up to the minute funny stuff go to www.twitter.com/radiogagger

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

FABIO STEPS DOWN AFTER 2012 EURO's (TO SPEND EUROS)

Fabio Capello has announced that he will stand down as England manager after The 2012 Euro's to spend more time 'as a pensioner'

I know his English is not great, and he is well paid as England manager, but is he planning to spend more time with Wayne Rooney at £1,200 a night?

FABIO TO BE REPLACED BY ENGLISHMAN

It was well documented recently by a 'CLUB ENGLAND DIRECTOR' that the next England manager will be English.

Does that rule Mikel Arteta IN or OUT? At least it gives Martin O'Neil two years to apply for a British passport.

FABIO QUITS TO SPEND MORE TIME A PENSIONER

If England want to keep some continuity, they should choose Brucie

Not (Englishman) Steve Bruce, pensioner Bruce Forsyth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -

GERRARD WHO?

Gerrard Houllier is back in English football as Aston Villa manager but not sure when he is available to take over due to serving notice from the French Football Federation.

Perhaps Glenn Hoddle, Gus Hiddink or Glynn Hodges could step in as caretaker GH. They wouldn't need to change the initials on the tracksuit.

THE BEST EXCUSE EVER FOR MISSING A MATCH

At the press conference that welcomed him as Villa manager, Gerrard stated he would not be available for the next match (tonight) against Stoke as he had meetings to attend in his role as Technical Director for the French Federation.

I have to say that is the best excuse I've heard from an actual manager of a team. I do know of a Leyton Orient fan who missed a rare Andy Harris goal (at Oxford) for a dentist appointment but the closest he gets to picking the team is Championship Manager the PC game.

Until the next time

Trigger

x

World Cup Diary Blog Part 8 - June 24th-27th 2010 including PRE MATCH BUILD UP England v Germany

World Cup Diary Blog (Part 8) - June 24th-27th 2010
including PRE MATCH BUILD UP England v Germany

Less than an hour to kick off, so your probably reading this after the event, but here it is anyway...

The Chosen Few
The England penalty takers have been named: (Friday)Gerrard - Barry - Millner - Rooney & Lampard.
Sounds better than Waddle, Ince, Southgate & Batty i suppose (only time will tell)
At least if it does go to penalties we won't have the ITV pundit Gareth Southgate telling us how players are feeling...

The Choice of Hod
Glenn Hoddle's newspaper column chooses a different five - Gerrard - Rooney, Lampard, Terry, Ashley Cole
I just hope that if Chelsea bad boys Ashley and JT miss it won't be for sins they committed in a previous life.
Ghana 2 USA 1
Barrack Obama took time from the G8 summit to watch his country in the Round of 16.
Good news for Ghana as they progress into the Quarter Finals carrying the hopes of a continent.
Bad news for Africa as Barrack demanded all further aid to Africa be canceled IMMEDIATELY.
Becks v Becks
Germany didn't send their manager or player to the press conference on saturday (as requested of all teams by FIFA). I think they were confused as Frank Beckenbaur HASN'T STOPPED talking to the media about England (even before we were drawn together).
In fact he's spent more time talking about England than David Beckham has spent filming adverts for his many commercial commitments.
Random Rant
The way McDonalds associate themselves with the World Cup through advertising turns my stomach more than their food which I avoid.
The youngsters they're supposedly trying to inspire won't be getting much higher than the Dr Martens Isthmian League if they keep munching the macs...
The History
Since 1966 The Germans always seem to beat us in the actual world cup finals but we'll always have September 1st 2001 - Germany 1 England 5 - even Heskey scored.
Perhaps Fabio will get sentimental bring him on as sub if we go 4-1 up...
(Upto now playing Heskey was just mental...)
The Round of 16
So the Group Stages are over and The knockout stages begin...
Uruguay 2 South Korea 1
USA 1 Ghana 2
England v Germany
Argentina v Mexico

Spain v Portugal
Paraguay v Japan
Brazil v Chile.
Holland v Slovakia

TEXT RECEIVED...
in 2006 France and Italy met in the Final, in 2010 they met in the airport... (from various)

I'm preparing my liver for tomorrow! And moving my tv into the loo - Jolly

SUNDAY June 27th 2010
Someone at the cricket (live on SkySport News) said it doesn't get much bigger than England v Germany. I'd like to agree, but what about the World Cup Final?

The Burning Question
Is it unlucky to go to a German supermarket on the morning of a match?

And the replies (so far by text)
"Maybe just a Lidl!" - Wendy
"Well not for the German economy" - Simon (of German heritage)
"Get me some sour grapes plz! Half a pound, I mean kilo"  Adrian
"Only if you buy German beer and Frankfurters" - Ivan
"There's always Iceland" - Terry
"Oh yes could be" JT (not that one)
"Maybe" Richard E Gold
"No sir" Rob Budd
"No, just cheap I think." Jolly

So that's cleared that up then. And by coincidence, I did go to Iceland!

German team:
Neuer, Friedrich, Khedira, Schweinsteiger, Ozil, Podolski, Klose, Muller, Lahm, Mertesacker, Boateng
England:
James, A Cole, Johnson, Terry, Upson, Milner, Gerrard, Lampard, Barry, Defoe, Rooney
(England unchanged)

And Finally - Recommendations
The Stand Ups World Cup podcast - Comedians banter about the World Cup (and Wetherspoons!)
http://alexperry.podbean.com/ follow on twitter.com/standupworldcup
One Goal
While perusing the many media to write this World Cup diary blog, I kept hearing a mention of the 1Goal Charity, so I found out more about it, and signed up. You should too!!

• Web http://join1goal.org
• Bio Education Beats Poverty. 1 Goal at the 2010 World Cup: Education for All

COME ON ENGLAND!!

Until the next time
Trigger
x

The Managerial Merry-go-round Feb 14th 2009

** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Thought of the day...
Will the Chelsea manager job be the best paid part time job ever?
(I never saw that one on Gumtree...)

Guus Hiddink gets the gig, through his Russian contacts, but won't start the job this week. This gives the laundry woman an extra week to find and wash Glenn Hoddle's old Chelsea 'GH' tracksuit.
Gerard Houllier must be gutted his application was lost in the post by widcat striking British postman...

The Premier League managers went out two by two...
September: Alan Curbishley (WHU) Kevin Keegan (Noocastle)
October: Juan Ramos (Spurs) , Harry Redknapp (Portsmouth)
December: Roy Keane (Sunderland) Paul Ince (Blackburn)
February: Tony Adams (Portsmouth) Felipe (Chelski)

SueOne
Just as well Felipe Scolari is getting a pay-off from Chelsea in the region of £6-7 million after just seven months in charge.
He wont feel the need to sue Mike Riley, the ref who sent off Frank Lampard and left Chelsea with 10 men against close rivals Liverpool who went on to win with two late late goals.

Odd Odds
Avram Grant was in the fairly unique situation on Monday of being favourite for both Chelsea and Pompey jobs at one point. Now Portsmouth is his only choice, unless Sven nicks it.
I hear Grant was nicknamed BBC during his previous spell on the coast, not because he casually insulted black tennis players in the green room, but for his training methods of 'Balls, Bibs and Cones'

Licence To Shrill
Carlos Tevez had his car siezed by police on the M60 in Manchester at the weekend after they found he doesn't possess a full UK driving licence.
Tevez claimed that he drives on the licence of Kia Joorabchian who owns his soul, but police weren't having it.


Russian It Through Before The Deadline
Question marks over the time the Andre Arshavin transfer from Zenit St Petersburg to Arsenal was finalised.
Arsene Wenger has said he did not see the clock/incident.


Sue Two
Kevin Keegan is to sue Newcastle for £9 million after his dismissal as manager.
Blimey, his speeding ticket in Carlisle last week was only £750.