Football Funnies November 1st-12th 2000 and Ten...

Football Fortnight of Funnies
November 1st-13th 2000 and Ten...
 
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Man United 2 Tottenham Hotspur 0
Harry Redknapp had threatened to stop speaking to the media if he's fined for his outburst at referee Mark Clattenburg for Nani's controversial second goal.
Happy Harry lost for words?? I'm temporarily lost for words myself about that.



Tottenham 3 Inter Milan 1

Another inspired performance from Gareth Bale saw Spurs turn the European Champions into the 'Chumpions'.
If only Rafa Benitez had concentrated on putting a dossier together on Bale instead of Roy Hodgeson, he might have got something from this game...



Bolton 4 Tottenham Hotspur 2
Tottenham were brought down to earth by Kevin Davies and co in their return to premier league football
I thought the Lord Mayors Show was THIS Saturday (13th) in London, not last week at the Reebok??


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Shakhtar Donuts 2 Arsenal 1
Arsene Wenger has appealed the result as both goals were scored by Arsenal connections  - an own goal by Craig Eastmond and former Highbury hero Edu.


ARSENE PLAYING AWAY IN EUROPE
Weekend newspapers were full of stories about the Arsenal manager romancing a younger woman in France
Wenger refused to comment on the story, the reason being he didn't see the article's...



ARSENAL 0 NEWCASTLE 1
Newcastle gained revenge for their recent 4-0 defeat in the Carling Cup with this win at the Emirates.
Newcastle won in London?? The same Newcastle that lost 6-1 at Brisbane Road recently??...

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CHELSEA 4 BAYERN MUNICH 0
This reserve team match was notable for assistant manager Ray Wilkins being SACKED at half-time...
HALF TIME?? Have Chelsea taken John Sitton on as coaching consultant??

Frankly Speaking
Frank Lampard is expected to be out for another two weeks after initially hoping to be back against Liverpool.
He's not actually fit, but he might return earlier, just to get out of the house and listening to Christine Bleakley going on about how bad the DAYBREAK viewing figures are...


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Wolves 2 Man City 1
Kolo Toure - £220,000 a week and he's allowed to go home at half-time to beat the traffic -
imagine his salary if he stayed for the whole game.

Reinforcements Needed At Anfield
Now the ownership problems are resolved, manager Roy Hodgeson needs to sign some strikers to give him back up, rather than playing Babel and Kuyt out of position.
What are Robbie Fowler and Ian Rush upto nowadays? (don't mention Emile Heskey or Michael Ow..)


BRUM DERBY DEAL
An Aston Villa fan was thrown out of the game v Birmingham for heading the ball back into play.
THROWN OUT?! On current form Gerrard Houllier should have put him in the first team (instead of Emile Heskey?)

EDGAR AND OUT
Edgar Davids has left Crystal Palace after featuring in just 7 games since joining the South Londoners.
He obviously wasn't looking forward to playing in League One next season...
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AND FINALLY - Thought Of The Day...
It's time to bite the bullet, we already lost the services of Ryan Giggs, if we merge the England and Wales football team like we have done with the cricket, then we get Gareth Bale wearing the THREE LIONS (or Dragons, as long as he's on our side)

Enjoy the Game
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World Cup Diary Blog Part 8 - June 24th-27th 2010 including PRE MATCH BUILD UP England v Germany

World Cup Diary Blog (Part 8) - June 24th-27th 2010
including PRE MATCH BUILD UP England v Germany

Less than an hour to kick off, so your probably reading this after the event, but here it is anyway...

The Chosen Few
The England penalty takers have been named: (Friday)Gerrard - Barry - Millner - Rooney & Lampard.
Sounds better than Waddle, Ince, Southgate & Batty i suppose (only time will tell)
At least if it does go to penalties we won't have the ITV pundit Gareth Southgate telling us how players are feeling...

The Choice of Hod
Glenn Hoddle's newspaper column chooses a different five - Gerrard - Rooney, Lampard, Terry, Ashley Cole
I just hope that if Chelsea bad boys Ashley and JT miss it won't be for sins they committed in a previous life.
Ghana 2 USA 1
Barrack Obama took time from the G8 summit to watch his country in the Round of 16.
Good news for Ghana as they progress into the Quarter Finals carrying the hopes of a continent.
Bad news for Africa as Barrack demanded all further aid to Africa be canceled IMMEDIATELY.
Becks v Becks
Germany didn't send their manager or player to the press conference on saturday (as requested of all teams by FIFA). I think they were confused as Frank Beckenbaur HASN'T STOPPED talking to the media about England (even before we were drawn together).
In fact he's spent more time talking about England than David Beckham has spent filming adverts for his many commercial commitments.
Random Rant
The way McDonalds associate themselves with the World Cup through advertising turns my stomach more than their food which I avoid.
The youngsters they're supposedly trying to inspire won't be getting much higher than the Dr Martens Isthmian League if they keep munching the macs...
The History
Since 1966 The Germans always seem to beat us in the actual world cup finals but we'll always have September 1st 2001 - Germany 1 England 5 - even Heskey scored.
Perhaps Fabio will get sentimental bring him on as sub if we go 4-1 up...
(Upto now playing Heskey was just mental...)
The Round of 16
So the Group Stages are over and The knockout stages begin...
Uruguay 2 South Korea 1
USA 1 Ghana 2
England v Germany
Argentina v Mexico

Spain v Portugal
Paraguay v Japan
Brazil v Chile.
Holland v Slovakia

TEXT RECEIVED...
in 2006 France and Italy met in the Final, in 2010 they met in the airport... (from various)

I'm preparing my liver for tomorrow! And moving my tv into the loo - Jolly

SUNDAY June 27th 2010
Someone at the cricket (live on SkySport News) said it doesn't get much bigger than England v Germany. I'd like to agree, but what about the World Cup Final?

The Burning Question
Is it unlucky to go to a German supermarket on the morning of a match?

And the replies (so far by text)
"Maybe just a Lidl!" - Wendy
"Well not for the German economy" - Simon (of German heritage)
"Get me some sour grapes plz! Half a pound, I mean kilo"  Adrian
"Only if you buy German beer and Frankfurters" - Ivan
"There's always Iceland" - Terry
"Oh yes could be" JT (not that one)
"Maybe" Richard E Gold
"No sir" Rob Budd
"No, just cheap I think." Jolly

So that's cleared that up then. And by coincidence, I did go to Iceland!

German team:
Neuer, Friedrich, Khedira, Schweinsteiger, Ozil, Podolski, Klose, Muller, Lahm, Mertesacker, Boateng
England:
James, A Cole, Johnson, Terry, Upson, Milner, Gerrard, Lampard, Barry, Defoe, Rooney
(England unchanged)

And Finally - Recommendations
The Stand Ups World Cup podcast - Comedians banter about the World Cup (and Wetherspoons!)
http://alexperry.podbean.com/ follow on twitter.com/standupworldcup
One Goal
While perusing the many media to write this World Cup diary blog, I kept hearing a mention of the 1Goal Charity, so I found out more about it, and signed up. You should too!!

• Web http://join1goal.org
• Bio Education Beats Poverty. 1 Goal at the 2010 World Cup: Education for All

COME ON ENGLAND!!

Until the next time
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World Cup Diary - England v Algeria (+ Germany v Serbia + Slovenia v USA)

Friday June 18th
Early kick offs -
Germany 0 Serbia 1It's times like this Germany must wish they were in a group with Algeria and Austria.


Slovenia 2 United States 2U - S - A win TWO to TWO!!

After the Slovenia v USA game the group reads as follows:
Slovena 4 pts from 2 games.
USA 2pts from 2 games
England 1pt from 1 game
Algeria 0pt from 1 game.


Group C - England v AlgeriaTeam news: James in for Rob Green. Carragher in central defence replacing injured Lead Knee.
Heskey retains his place alongside Wayne Rooney upfront. Gareth Barry replaces Milner in midfield.

Bloody hell england. 4 minutes gone and not scored yet. Sort it out..
Oh hang on, I'm watching on ITV High definition...
 
On the ITV high definition coverage, it's looks as if the green kitted algerians are naked.
The algerians are wearing green. Last time england blamed the ball. This time they can blame the kit.
John Terry goes down injured.
If he misses the rest of the tournament will FIFA let us replace him with Wayne Bridge?
Half time England 0 Algeria 0If we don't qualify from this group we should make the players return to England by ricshaw as punishment.

Substitutions - Wright-Phillips on for Lennon. Defoe on for Heskey. Is the end of Heskey's England career?
We asked the same question in 2006. In fact, we hope the same thing after every Heskey appearance.

Peter Crouch is brought on for Gareth Barry. Come on Crouchy, remember the spirit of 06, and the late goal v Trinidad and Tobago.

Final Score England 0 Algeria 0
"And so England's proud unbeaten record continues"
Clearly, ITV have signed Adrian Chiles for his stand up comedy.

Come on fab, david blunkets dog can see that this team is missing something from qualifying..
Get Matthew Upson on the pitch (oh, ok then, Joe Cole)

As the players trudge off the pitch Wayne Rooney mouths something about loyal supporters.
It's unfair to criticize our Wazza.
After all, it was his missus who presented "Coleen's Real Women"


Latest Group Standings
(For those with a nervious disposition, look away now...)
Slovania 4pts 2 games
USA 2 pts 2 games
England 2pts 2 gamesAlgeria 1 pt 2 games.
It's the group of death. And that's just for fans who are dying of boredom.

If we finish 3rd in the group do we drop into the FIF-OPA League Group Stages?


Permutations
In the second round England could still end up playing Germany, Serbia or Ghana.
Or be on the same plane home as the French...

Things are so bad, James Corden is being flown out to replace David Beckham as team mascot.
We need another rousing speech like he made at BBC Sports Personality of the Year, as opposed to the ballet lessons he had with Man United.
 
Ok, enough flaffing about Don Fabio... This should be the team for the next match:

Goalkeeper - Becks on cructhes. Defence - James Corden on his own.
Midfield Boris & the two Millibands
Forwards - Princes Harry and Wills with Michael Owen on crutches in the middle.

Until the next one
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