Sunday, 23 March 2014

Football Funnies - March 22/23rd 2014

Chelsea 6 Arsenal 0
Chelsea 3-0 up in twenty minutes. Everything they touch turns to goals.

Bad mistake by Andre Marriner. He's off the Christmas Card list of Arsene Wenger, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain AND Kieran Gibbs

So Oxlade-Chamberlain handles the ball, and Gibbs gets sent off. What I've learnt from this incident is that Andre Marriner can't handle the Premier League.

"Andre Marriner (and his team) had a terrible day" This is not news. I called him the worst ref in league 2 back in 2004/5 after his second ever league game - Mansfield v Leyton Orient.

If Andre Marriner can't tell difference between Oxlade-Chamberlain & Gibbs, we should see how he likes it, start calling him Chris Foy or Mark Clattenburg.

Knowing Andre Marriner, if he planned to go to Specsavers, he'd actually turn up at Vision Express instead

Coming soon Andre Marriner's 100 Worst Refereeing Decisions' 2004-2014 presented by Jimmy Carr

Good thing Wenger has another 1,000 games to sort his defence out, and finally get that win against Mourinho #unsackable

Cardiff 3 Liverpool 6
2-2 at half-time but Liverpool run riot in second half. Everything they touch turns to goals.

A Suarez hat-trick, plus 2 from Skrytl and one from Sturridge.
Suarez has 28 from 30 league games - the most EVER in the Premier League after 30 games. If he can keep this up, and not get banned for bitting anyone he could break the all-time season record.

So hows that 'sack Malkay Mackay and bring in Ole Gunnar Scholskar' turning out for Vincent Tann?

Man City 5 Fulham 0 
Congratulations to Fulham, 3 managers, 2 coaches, a partridge in a pear-tree and the first team to be relegated from the Premier League.

Four for Man City in the second half. Everything they touch turns to goals.

Neither Liverpool, Man City or Chelsea will admit they're favourites for the Premier League, so that makes Arsenal odd-on by default

Everton 3 Swansea 2
Has anyone noticed how you never see Gary Monk and Ricky Wilson in the same room?

12 penalties out of 12 for Leighton Baines in the Premier League. Can he take all five for England in the World Cup this summer? Is it too late to sign to nationalise Yaya Toure?

Has Angel Rangel ever met Gary and Phil Neville's brother Evill Neville?

Hull CIty 2 West Brom 0
So West Brom should never have sold their main striker to Hull in the transfer window, is about the long and the short of it

Newcassle' 1 Crystal Palace 0 (Papa Cisse 90+4)
Papa Cisse, Pardew & Carver, Crystal Palace, hmmm hmmm mmmm, you've gotta have a system...

Is Alan Pardew stadium ban just for Newcassle matches, or can he scout other teams?
He could have gone to Exeter v Fleetwood at the other St James Park.
And oddly enough, Fleetwood play at (the other) Highbury.

Norwich 2 Sunderland 0
Important goal from Snodgrass for Norwich against Sunderland. Lucky for him rejecting Orient back in 2007/8 didn't affect his career

West Ham 0 Man United 2
'Rooney lobs Adrian from the half-way line' doesn't sound as impressive as 'Nayim lobs Seaman' About par with 'Beckham lobs Sullivan'

Last night asked which goal from half-way line was better, Beckham or Rooney. No mention of Dean Cox at Walsall?! (last season)

Great assist from noble for Rooney's second goal. Rooney on 300k a week, Noble not even on the payroll. Just good ole' east end hospitality

Russel Brand on Match of The Day? Not a lot of people know, but he used to edit a west ham fanzine called 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles Wubbles'

Russel Brand brought in to analyse on the Rooney v Beckham half-way line goals for his authority on hair styles and cuts.

Tottenham 3 Southampton 2
Tottenham recover from 2 down to beat Southampton 3-2. After the match Sherwood told press 'anything MK Dons can do, we can do better

Tottenham trailing 0-2, so Tim Sherwood comes down to the bench from his seat in the stands to sort mess out. And make Pardew jealous

Its now Tottenham Desmond Southampton Tutu. Tim has gone back to his seat in the stand. Doesn't know whether he's coming or going

Tottenham (English coach) 3 Southampton (English players) 2 
well if Levy does give Sherwood the push, he deserves a role with Hodgson.

Christian Eriksen revealed manager Tim Sherwood's half-time team talk inspired Spurs to a 3-2 victory over Southampton "Never on the football field of human conflict'...

Tottenham are the zen masters of the Premier League, zero goal difference. Man City are +49, Fulham are minus 40

Are the new fixtures out yet - When is Tim's 1,000th match in charge of ? Is it the early kick-off against Chelsea at the Bridge?

Aston Villa 1 Stoke City 4
bit of a shock result after Villa beat Chelsea last week, mind you they were without Chris Foy today

Mark Hughes says Peter Crouch should get recall to England squad. To be fair he needs a transfer to Southampton to be in with a shout

Aston Villa raise their game against top 4, but fail against lower or same level teams. The exact opposite of Arsenal & Tottenham

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