Footy Funnies Christmas Eve 2000 and Ten

Footy Funnies Christmas Eve 2000 and Ten

Premier League Review

Man City 1 Everton 2
Defeat cost City top spot at Xmas, but good news is Tevez withdrew his transfer request.
I hear if Fergie had re-signed him for United, they were planning a big WELCOME TO MANCHESTER billboard at the Arndale.


Chelsea v Man United Postponed - due to snow and dangerous traffic.
This was a big inconvenience for United fans. Some had travelled from as far as West Ealing.


The Tea Cups Follow The Trawler
United confirmed this week that Sir Alex Ferguson overtook Matt Busby as the clubs longest serving manager.
It's been good times for Manchester suppliers of tea cups, hairdryers and chewing gum. And London based United fans.


Blackburn 1 West Ham 1 - Unlucky for Some
A draw at Ewood Park sent West Ham into Christmas bottom of the Premier League on just 13 points.
Highlight of the day was a debut for Hammers keeper Ruud Boffin, with a curtains haircut not seen in the Premier League since Ian Walker at Spurs and Leicester.
When your goalkeeper for West Ham, a closed pair of curtains in front of your eyes is the last thing you need...(Although it's a handy excuse that Rob Green might want to adopt...)


Clucking Hell
Big Sam Allardyce reckons someone at Blackburn put in a few bad words about him to the owners, hence his sacking.
Maybe someone just showed 'em a copy of his interview stating he wanted to manage Real Madrid instead.

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WORLD CLUB CUP, SPL, Sports Personality of The Year

Jockeying For Centre Stage
David Beckham was given a Life Time Achievement award by the BBC at the annual Sports Personality of the Year Event.
In related news, AP McKoy won Minor Sorts Personality of The Year.


Inter Milan 3 TP Mezembe 0
Winnign the World Club Cup wasn't enough to save Rafa Benitez from the sack after publicy asking the chairman to bring in new signings or sack him.
I think Rafa regretted his outburst - shortly after he ran into the Mezembe dressing room shouting at the top of his broken english voice - "CAN WE PLAY YOU EVERY WEEK"

Motherwell 1 Hearts 2
An investigation was called into irreegular betting patterns on this game as large amounts were placed in the Liverpool area on a player being sent off - and Liverpool born Alex jennings was subseqently sent off...
I suppose it makes a change from burgling Stevie G's house while the reds are playing midweek games.
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(Football) Seasons greetings to you all
Until the next time
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Footy Funnies December 15th 2010 - FA CUP SPECIAL

In honour of the most amazing FA Cup match EVER, it's eight gags about Leyton Orient v Droylsden.




ORIENT ROUND-UP
Leyton Orient P Carlisle P
According to the pools panel this was a home win, but the league table hasn't added the three points to Orient.
Honestly, sometimes I think the Football League is more corrupt than FIFA.

(1) Leyton Orient 8 Droylesden 2 FA Cup 2nd Rounds Replay AET
Orient cruised through to the third round of the FA Cup after trailing 2-0 to non-league Droylesden after 77 minutes.
Even more amazing they managed to do it without a 13 minute hat-trick from Matthew Lockwood.

(2) Orient scored six goals in 30 minutes of extra-time, a record for the FA Cup, with Jonathan Tehoue and Scott McGleish both scoring hat-tricks.
The last time two Orient players scored 3 each was a training session against sunday league pub team Birkbeck Orient.

(3) A NIGHT OF RECORDS, REDS  AND 'RITHMATIC

If ten goals wasn't enough excitement, there were five sending-offs, including the Droylesden manager Dave Pace.
Perhaps Droylesden will do better in the annual 5 a side indoor Manchester Masters Event. Only four more off.

(4) Considering the O's have previously lost to non-league Margate, Enfield and Hendon in the Cup, being 2-0 down after 77 minutes was no surprise and some fans left early.
They missed 8 goals in 43 minutes, but they were back home in time to see Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights gag about Katie Price and her son Harvey.


(5) ORIENT PUT THE '8 INTO GREAT
Orient have scored 8 in a match three other times since 1988 against Colchester, Rochdale and Doncaster.
Droylesen must be wishing the referee had been Nigel Miller, famous for missing clear Orient goals...

(6) ORIENT TRENDY ONCE IN A LIFETIME
Orient were trending on Twitter in the top ten subjects being talked about for the first, and probably last time.
In fact, it's the first time since the invention of the internet the O's have been in the Top Ten of anything.
With the exception of lowest attendances, worst burgers and ground with flats on the corner of each side.

(7) The first Droylsden v Orient match was televised live on ESPN on a Monday night
Most neutrals were watching Sky Sports though, where Barcelona thrashed Real Madrid 5-0.
If only Orient matches were as predictable as Russia World Cup bids...


(8) THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED
The Orient v Droylesden replay wasn't televised as it clashed with Champions League fixtures.
After Madrid's 5-0 defeat at Barca, Alan Sugar's repeated his comments on Jose Mourinhio.
"The Special One? I'd like to see how he'd do at Leyton Orient with no money"
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And just incase you missed the goals... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5GuUG9mTtA

Until the next time
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* We apologise for ther many incorrect spellings of Droylsden in thsi article... Life is too short.

Football Funnies - Dec 11th... 2010

Footy Funnies - Dec 11th... 2010

CARLING CUP

2018 WORLD CUP

PREMIER LEAGUE FOCUS

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CARLING CUP

West Ham 4 Man United 0Can't believe no-one used the headline "SPECTOR SPECTACULAR, UNITED SPECTATORS"
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2018 WORLD CUP BID

The 2018 World Cup will be played in...

(DRAMATIC PAUSE - opens envelope)... Russia
The England bid sent David Cameron, David Beckham and Prince William to impress Sepp Blatter and his cronies.
But we know Blatter likes the ladies, he suggested womens football should be played in skin-tight kits.
We should have sent Thatcher, Posh Spice and Lady Diana's corpse...



CANT COUNT WON'T COUNT
England crashed Out in first round of voting, despite being promised votes from many FIFA officials
The only consolation was there was no penalty shoot outs and no disallowed goals that crossed the line. (I knew they should have took Theo Walcott)


BID IT LIKE BECKHAM
This was David Beckham's last chance to win a World Cup.
And this time he didn't even get a chance to back heel an Argie and get sent off.


PUSH THE BUTTON
I personally think Russia winning could be a good thing...
We won't have a big bang nuclear trident to worry about for the next eight years...
While they have still have nuclear weapons, can we let them host EVERY WORLD CUP?

FROM RUSSIA WITH CASH
And congratulations must go to Roman Abramovitch, who was a backer of the Russian bid
About time he saw one of his teams win a major international competition.

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PREMIER LEAGUE FOCUS
AHA - Chris Hughton Out - Alan Pardew In
Can someone please explain how a manager gets sacked from Southampton in the Third Division in August and appointed in the Premier League in December.
At this rate, Roy Keane will be sacked by Ipswich this week and turn up managing Ajax or Real Madrid in February or April.

Newcastle v Liverpool
This week saw Newcastle grab their title back from Liverpool as the biggest joke in the premier league.
Now they just have to prove it on the pitch.
Tottenham v Chelsea
For the first time since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, Spurs go into a clash with Chelsea in better form.
I wonder if Abramovitch would give up Russia's winning world cup bid in exchange for Gareth Bale at Stamford Bridge?


Man United v Arsenal
Patrice Evra told the press that Arsenal will win nothing with their team of kids.
Well that's Arsene Wengers team talk done for him.

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Until the next time
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