Footy Funnies Christmas Eve 2000 and Ten

Footy Funnies Christmas Eve 2000 and Ten

Premier League Review

Man City 1 Everton 2
Defeat cost City top spot at Xmas, but good news is Tevez withdrew his transfer request.
I hear if Fergie had re-signed him for United, they were planning a big WELCOME TO MANCHESTER billboard at the Arndale.


Chelsea v Man United Postponed - due to snow and dangerous traffic.
This was a big inconvenience for United fans. Some had travelled from as far as West Ealing.


The Tea Cups Follow The Trawler
United confirmed this week that Sir Alex Ferguson overtook Matt Busby as the clubs longest serving manager.
It's been good times for Manchester suppliers of tea cups, hairdryers and chewing gum. And London based United fans.


Blackburn 1 West Ham 1 - Unlucky for Some
A draw at Ewood Park sent West Ham into Christmas bottom of the Premier League on just 13 points.
Highlight of the day was a debut for Hammers keeper Ruud Boffin, with a curtains haircut not seen in the Premier League since Ian Walker at Spurs and Leicester.
When your goalkeeper for West Ham, a closed pair of curtains in front of your eyes is the last thing you need...(Although it's a handy excuse that Rob Green might want to adopt...)


Clucking Hell
Big Sam Allardyce reckons someone at Blackburn put in a few bad words about him to the owners, hence his sacking.
Maybe someone just showed 'em a copy of his interview stating he wanted to manage Real Madrid instead.

******************************************************
WORLD CLUB CUP, SPL, Sports Personality of The Year

Jockeying For Centre Stage
David Beckham was given a Life Time Achievement award by the BBC at the annual Sports Personality of the Year Event.
In related news, AP McKoy won Minor Sorts Personality of The Year.


Inter Milan 3 TP Mezembe 0
Winnign the World Club Cup wasn't enough to save Rafa Benitez from the sack after publicy asking the chairman to bring in new signings or sack him.
I think Rafa regretted his outburst - shortly after he ran into the Mezembe dressing room shouting at the top of his broken english voice - "CAN WE PLAY YOU EVERY WEEK"

Motherwell 1 Hearts 2
An investigation was called into irreegular betting patterns on this game as large amounts were placed in the Liverpool area on a player being sent off - and Liverpool born Alex jennings was subseqently sent off...
I suppose it makes a change from burgling Stevie G's house while the reds are playing midweek games.
******************************************************

(Football) Seasons greetings to you all
Until the next time
Trigger
x

Footy Funnies December 15th 2010 - FA CUP SPECIAL

In honour of the most amazing FA Cup match EVER, it's eight gags about Leyton Orient v Droylsden.




ORIENT ROUND-UP
Leyton Orient P Carlisle P
According to the pools panel this was a home win, but the league table hasn't added the three points to Orient.
Honestly, sometimes I think the Football League is more corrupt than FIFA.

(1) Leyton Orient 8 Droylesden 2 FA Cup 2nd Rounds Replay AET
Orient cruised through to the third round of the FA Cup after trailing 2-0 to non-league Droylesden after 77 minutes.
Even more amazing they managed to do it without a 13 minute hat-trick from Matthew Lockwood.

(2) Orient scored six goals in 30 minutes of extra-time, a record for the FA Cup, with Jonathan Tehoue and Scott McGleish both scoring hat-tricks.
The last time two Orient players scored 3 each was a training session against sunday league pub team Birkbeck Orient.

(3) A NIGHT OF RECORDS, REDS  AND 'RITHMATIC

If ten goals wasn't enough excitement, there were five sending-offs, including the Droylesden manager Dave Pace.
Perhaps Droylesden will do better in the annual 5 a side indoor Manchester Masters Event. Only four more off.

(4) Considering the O's have previously lost to non-league Margate, Enfield and Hendon in the Cup, being 2-0 down after 77 minutes was no surprise and some fans left early.
They missed 8 goals in 43 minutes, but they were back home in time to see Frankie Boyle's Tramadol Nights gag about Katie Price and her son Harvey.


(5) ORIENT PUT THE '8 INTO GREAT
Orient have scored 8 in a match three other times since 1988 against Colchester, Rochdale and Doncaster.
Droylesen must be wishing the referee had been Nigel Miller, famous for missing clear Orient goals...

(6) ORIENT TRENDY ONCE IN A LIFETIME
Orient were trending on Twitter in the top ten subjects being talked about for the first, and probably last time.
In fact, it's the first time since the invention of the internet the O's have been in the Top Ten of anything.
With the exception of lowest attendances, worst burgers and ground with flats on the corner of each side.

(7) The first Droylsden v Orient match was televised live on ESPN on a Monday night
Most neutrals were watching Sky Sports though, where Barcelona thrashed Real Madrid 5-0.
If only Orient matches were as predictable as Russia World Cup bids...


(8) THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED
The Orient v Droylesden replay wasn't televised as it clashed with Champions League fixtures.
After Madrid's 5-0 defeat at Barca, Alan Sugar's repeated his comments on Jose Mourinhio.
"The Special One? I'd like to see how he'd do at Leyton Orient with no money"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 



And just incase you missed the goals... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5GuUG9mTtA

Until the next time
Trigger
x

* We apologise for ther many incorrect spellings of Droylsden in thsi article... Life is too short.

Football Funnies - Dec 11th... 2010

Footy Funnies - Dec 11th... 2010

CARLING CUP

2018 WORLD CUP

PREMIER LEAGUE FOCUS

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

CARLING CUP

West Ham 4 Man United 0Can't believe no-one used the headline "SPECTOR SPECTACULAR, UNITED SPECTATORS"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

2018 WORLD CUP BID

The 2018 World Cup will be played in...

(DRAMATIC PAUSE - opens envelope)... Russia
The England bid sent David Cameron, David Beckham and Prince William to impress Sepp Blatter and his cronies.
But we know Blatter likes the ladies, he suggested womens football should be played in skin-tight kits.
We should have sent Thatcher, Posh Spice and Lady Diana's corpse...



CANT COUNT WON'T COUNT
England crashed Out in first round of voting, despite being promised votes from many FIFA officials
The only consolation was there was no penalty shoot outs and no disallowed goals that crossed the line. (I knew they should have took Theo Walcott)


BID IT LIKE BECKHAM
This was David Beckham's last chance to win a World Cup.
And this time he didn't even get a chance to back heel an Argie and get sent off.


PUSH THE BUTTON
I personally think Russia winning could be a good thing...
We won't have a big bang nuclear trident to worry about for the next eight years...
While they have still have nuclear weapons, can we let them host EVERY WORLD CUP?

FROM RUSSIA WITH CASH
And congratulations must go to Roman Abramovitch, who was a backer of the Russian bid
About time he saw one of his teams win a major international competition.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
PREMIER LEAGUE FOCUS
AHA - Chris Hughton Out - Alan Pardew In
Can someone please explain how a manager gets sacked from Southampton in the Third Division in August and appointed in the Premier League in December.
At this rate, Roy Keane will be sacked by Ipswich this week and turn up managing Ajax or Real Madrid in February or April.

Newcastle v Liverpool
This week saw Newcastle grab their title back from Liverpool as the biggest joke in the premier league.
Now they just have to prove it on the pitch.
Tottenham v Chelsea
For the first time since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, Spurs go into a clash with Chelsea in better form.
I wonder if Abramovitch would give up Russia's winning world cup bid in exchange for Gareth Bale at Stamford Bridge?


Man United v Arsenal
Patrice Evra told the press that Arsenal will win nothing with their team of kids.
Well that's Arsene Wengers team talk done for him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Until the next time
Trigger
x

Football Funnies November 1st-12th 2000 and Ten...

Football Fortnight of Funnies
November 1st-13th 2000 and Ten...
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 


Man United 2 Tottenham Hotspur 0
Harry Redknapp had threatened to stop speaking to the media if he's fined for his outburst at referee Mark Clattenburg for Nani's controversial second goal.
Happy Harry lost for words?? I'm temporarily lost for words myself about that.



Tottenham 3 Inter Milan 1

Another inspired performance from Gareth Bale saw Spurs turn the European Champions into the 'Chumpions'.
If only Rafa Benitez had concentrated on putting a dossier together on Bale instead of Roy Hodgeson, he might have got something from this game...



Bolton 4 Tottenham Hotspur 2
Tottenham were brought down to earth by Kevin Davies and co in their return to premier league football
I thought the Lord Mayors Show was THIS Saturday (13th) in London, not last week at the Reebok??


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Shakhtar Donuts 2 Arsenal 1
Arsene Wenger has appealed the result as both goals were scored by Arsenal connections  - an own goal by Craig Eastmond and former Highbury hero Edu.


ARSENE PLAYING AWAY IN EUROPE
Weekend newspapers were full of stories about the Arsenal manager romancing a younger woman in France
Wenger refused to comment on the story, the reason being he didn't see the article's...



ARSENAL 0 NEWCASTLE 1
Newcastle gained revenge for their recent 4-0 defeat in the Carling Cup with this win at the Emirates.
Newcastle won in London?? The same Newcastle that lost 6-1 at Brisbane Road recently??...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 


CHELSEA 4 BAYERN MUNICH 0
This reserve team match was notable for assistant manager Ray Wilkins being SACKED at half-time...
HALF TIME?? Have Chelsea taken John Sitton on as coaching consultant??

Frankly Speaking
Frank Lampard is expected to be out for another two weeks after initially hoping to be back against Liverpool.
He's not actually fit, but he might return earlier, just to get out of the house and listening to Christine Bleakley going on about how bad the DAYBREAK viewing figures are...


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Wolves 2 Man City 1
Kolo Toure - £220,000 a week and he's allowed to go home at half-time to beat the traffic -
imagine his salary if he stayed for the whole game.

Reinforcements Needed At Anfield
Now the ownership problems are resolved, manager Roy Hodgeson needs to sign some strikers to give him back up, rather than playing Babel and Kuyt out of position.
What are Robbie Fowler and Ian Rush upto nowadays? (don't mention Emile Heskey or Michael Ow..)


BRUM DERBY DEAL
An Aston Villa fan was thrown out of the game v Birmingham for heading the ball back into play.
THROWN OUT?! On current form Gerrard Houllier should have put him in the first team (instead of Emile Heskey?)

EDGAR AND OUT
Edgar Davids has left Crystal Palace after featuring in just 7 games since joining the South Londoners.
He obviously wasn't looking forward to playing in League One next season...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
AND FINALLY - Thought Of The Day...
It's time to bite the bullet, we already lost the services of Ryan Giggs, if we merge the England and Wales football team like we have done with the cricket, then we get Gareth Bale wearing the THREE LIONS (or Dragons, as long as he's on our side)

Enjoy the Game
Trigger
x

Football Funnies (Weekend) October 29th 2000 and Ten...

Footballing Funnies 
October 29th 2000 and 10

Round Up Of The Week
Sunday: Man City 0 Arsenal 3 (Premier League)
Wednesday: Newcastle 0 Arsenal 4 (Carling Cup)
Tomorrow(Saturday) Arsenal 5 West Ham 0 ??
Someone has to do the predictions, now Paul The Octopus has gone! RIP Paul The Octopus...


Paul The Octopus passed away after his summer of glory, predicting 8 World Cup results in a row...
The joke doing the rounds this week was "he didn't see that coming"
On the contrary, he asked for his headstone to mirror Spike Milligans 'I TOLD YOU I WAS ILL'


IF THEY ALL WIN YOU OWE ME ONE
And just for fun... The new Tipster service to replace the Paul..  Eight In A Row...
Arsenal, Fulham, Rangers, Huddersfield, Wycombe, QPR, Ipswich and (Sunday) Aston Villa.
If all 8 win it pays a whopping 68-1 with William Hills. Get in!!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Europe

Anything Roo Can Do, Ronny Wants Better (Bank On It)

Christiano Ronaldo found form in a weekend spanish league encounter with 4 goals in the 6-1 rout of Racing Santander.

But how long before his name is linked with a transfer window move to Man City, so his salary can also be hiked up by £100,000 a week?

PSV Eindhoven 10 Feyenoord 0
An embarrassing defeat for former European Cup Winners Feyenoord. Coach Mario Bean said "it was a glum day and because I'm in charge, I feel responsible"

I'm pretty sure the owners will also find him responsible, and pretty soon 'Been' 'Will be 'gone'.

TONY MOWBRAY APPOINTED MIDDLESBROUGH MANAGER
Tony Mowbray told the press conference he aims to get his home town club into the Champions League in '3 to 4 years'

Has The Champions League been expanded to include the Top 40 English sides? Blimey, even Crystal Palace will be in...
 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Until the next time

Trigger
x

 

Football Funnies (Midweek) October 24th-30th 2000 and ten

Football Funnies (Midweek)

October 24th-29th 2000 and ten

Weekend Round Up Carlisle 3 Charlton 4
Preston 4 Crystal Palace 3
Rotherham 3 Wycombe 4
Chesterfield 4 Shrewsbury 3

Inter Milan 4 Tottenham 3
Who said Three is the magic number?
DID YOU KNOW - Part 1Chesterfield 4 Shrewsbury 3 - The attendance at this seven goal thriller was 7,777

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 Rooney - The AftermathIf Rooney wants to dictate the team and new signings, why doesn't he buy Portsmouth?

Man United The Butt of The Stokes

Credit to the Stoke fans for their banterous chants in Sundays game against United.

3. Your s***, even Rooney says!

2."you've been robbed by a Scouser"

1."Rooney's right your team is ****".

Perhaps we should get Stoke fans to write our next Eurovision entry with Justin Lee Collins...

Will Sir Rolex start talking to the BBC again, to save the possible £25,000 per game fine (by the Premier League) towards Rooneys wages?
 

Letters of Complaint to Nostradamus c/o The Mail On Sunday
Piers Morgan uses his sunday newspaper column to say Alex Fergusons days at Old Trafford are numbered after the Rooney transfer debacle.
That's a bold statement from The Arsenal biased supporting journo on a football manager who is nearly 70 years old... 

Thought Of The Day

If Sir Alex Ferguson cuts out travelling to pointless friendlies, Champions League Away ties and Scunthorpe, he could easily manage Man United until he is 101.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Premier League

Man City 0 Arsenal 3

They've got no Kaka, They've got no Rooney, Man City for Champions - You must be a loony!

West Brom 2 Fulham 1

Fulham took to the pitch in a new 'Harrods Green' third kit in honour of Mohammed Al Fayad's former corner shop.

I wonder if the next step will be the paint the grass red so the players will see each other?
What Would Rafa Benitez Say? (Or Guarantee)

Well done to West brom. Their win over Harrods Green Fulham, followed by win at Arsenal and point at Old Trafford saw them take fourth spot in the Premiership,

on course for a Champions League qualifer away to Braga next August.

They shouldn't be complacent however. In two weeks time if West Brom slip up, the top Four Could easily be Chelsea, Sunderland, Bolton and Newcastle.

That's all  until the weekend

Trigger

x

 

Football Funnies October 17th-23rd 2000 and 10

Football Funnies
October 17th-23rd 2000 and Ten.

The History of Wayne Rooneys Week on 100 Words
So the news that Rooney wanted out of Old Trafford surfaced after he was left on the bench in the home draw with West Brom last saturday. Fergie confirmed the news on Tuesday, Rooney counteracted with a statement airing his concern of United future signings, at the match v Bursaspor fans hoisted banners proclaiming Rooney to be the whore in reference to his recent play away day. A group of fans also demonstrated outside his house on news he might join neighbours Man City,on Friday lunchtime it was announced Rooney had signed a new 5 yr contract (worth £200k a week)
Other than City, Chelsea, Real Madrid and Barcelona were linked with signing Wazza.
If he had gone to Real Madrid, Rebecca Loos would have been rubbing her hands, I just hope their clean after waxing off that pig on the channel 5 farm...

It'll could have been a unique hat-trick for Loos, ie Beckham, Rooney and the pig.
Rooney not quite on a par with Beckham in the glamour stakes, in fact about level with the pig.
RIP Macolm Allison
The flamboyant manager who had spells around the world and South London was once photographed with an actress in the players bath.
So it was Big Mal who influenced todays crop of bad boys Terry, Rooney, Cole and Crouch...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Inter Milan 4 Tottenham Hotspur 3

At half-time it was Inter 4 Tottenham 0 - it was like men against Young Boys
Hang on wasn't that the qualifying round??

Spus were 3 down and a goalkeeper short after 20 minutes, but in the second Gareth Bale scored an amazing hat-trick to make the final result look very close. A typical spurs game really.
THE SEAGULLS FOLLOW THE TRAWLER - PART 2
In a pre-match press conference Inter boss Rafa Benitez made a strange reference to white liquid in a bottle being milk, a metaphor aimed at the owners and chief executive of Liverpool who sacked Benitez in the summer.
Benitez is the first ex Liverpool employee to advertise milk since Ian Rush in the "Accrington Stanley" advert..


YOU DON'T GET NOTHING FOR SEVENTH - NOT IN THIS LEAGUE
Rafa of course GUARANTEED that Liverpool would finish in the top 4 and qualify for champions league (this season).
Tottenham pipped Man City for 4th spot, Liverpool finished 7th, sacked Rafa, while Inter won the Champions League and lost Mourinhio to Real Madrid and replaced him with... yep, Rafa Benitez - and Inter were subsequently paired with the fourth club from the English league.
So the man who guaranteed champions league football, got it - for himself at least. Funny old game as they say...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
for funny stuff daily www.twitter.com/radiogagger
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WEEKEND RESULTS

Arsenal 2 Birmingham 1

Jack Wilshire was sent off in the 89th minute for a reckless tackle on Nikola Zigic as Arsenal held on to a hard fought win.
On the plus side for 18 year old Jack, he wasn't arrested at a nightclub on the same weekend.


DID YOU SEE THE INCIDENT?
"We must fight to keep beautiful tackling, and that's tackling with the desire to get the ball back, rather than jumping in at any cost, " "Managers... are all responsible for the behaviour of our teams,"
The following sentence was from Arsene Wengers programme notes last week.
Not sure if Jack Wilshire had actually read them, perhaps they're printed in French?
Everton 2 Liverpool 0
Has John Henry bought the wrong merseysiders?
At least if the New England Sports Ventures do take Liverpool to the top they can say they started at the bottom (almost)



Leicester 1 Hull 1

Sven Gorran Errikson is back in English football at Leicester, after his world cup spell at Ivory Coast.

The bald guy with the goatee at Match of The Day asked Sven will he be wearing a suit or a tracksuit on the touchline.

What he really wanted to ask would it be blonde or brunette that night, and does he still use Hooters in Nottingham?

Until the next time
Drink your milk
Trigger
x

International Football Funnies October 10th-17th 2000 and 10

International Round Up

October 17th 2010

England 0 Montenegro 0

Montenegro stay top of the group while England have a game in hand, with both teams still unbeaten.

Despite failing to win the game it was a proud moment for Kevin Davies, at the age of 33, picking up his first ever yellow card for his country. 

A Bigger back Story than Gamu

Montenegro used to be Yugoslavia and then they became Serbia &  Montenegro before splitting into two.

Honestly they changed their name more than the Artist formerly known as Prince.

Kazakhstan 0 Germany 3

Where Montenegro were the result of a country splitting into two (or more) due to war,

Germany is the result of West and East Germany combining football talent after the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Names are changed to reflect the times we live in, the Germany XI should probably be renamed 'Germany Allstars' to account for the number of Poles, Brazilians and Turks in the national team..

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A Word From The Sponsors

The ITV coverage of England v Montengro was sponsored by Sharp.

If only someone had told the players.

The Odd Bunch

The latest odds are coming up in the corner of your screen now.

Is that Ray Winstone promoting another ITV advertiser, or just a frank description of Rooney, Crouch and co...

Rumania Under21 0 England Under 21 0

The U21s secured qualification to the Euro 2011 tournament and, with the failure of the senior team to beat Montenegro, saw questions from the media as to whether the youngsters are ready to step up to the big stage.

Ultimately, only time will tell but, crucially no-one knows whether they will learn to be unfaithful to their wives and girlfriends in the same style as Terry, Cole, Rooney and Crouch..

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Czech Republic 2 Scotland 0

Scots manager Craig Levein surprised and angered fans by playing a formation 4-6-0 without a recognised striker.

Rumours he is waiting for Bravo Tv to commission a new series of Search for A Striker (which discovered Steve Watts for Leyton Orient) have so far been denied.

Scotland 2 Spain 3

After the baffling team choice v Czech Republic, Levein found space for Kenny Miller in a 4-5-1 formation and could be considered unlucky to lose by the odd goal in five to the European and World Champions.

As seen during the world cup group match with Switzerland, if you want to beat Spain you need to schedule the game for afternoon kick-off when they are more prone to a siesta and Scotland players are not in the pub.

Italy v Serbia Abandoned

The match was abandoned after 6 minutes because of Serbia fans rioting,

thought to be a protest of their previous defeat to Estonia.

UEFA haven't confirmed yet whether the match will be replayed,

but normally a 0-0 away to Italy WITHOUT playing a 4-6-0 formation is a good result.

Until the next time

hasta la Vista

trigger

x

Football Funnies October 11th 2010

Tottenham v Villa, Liverpool v Blackpool, Leeds v Preston Fulham v Friends and much more...


TOTTENHAM 2 ASTON VILLA 1
Two goals from Rafael Van De Vart, following on from a midweek Champions league goal, paying for himself already.
I suppose that's what you call going Dutch...
Good news for Harry Redknapp, bought himself a new van for £8m in the summer and getting a good miles per gallon return at the moment.
Bad news is Man United are also looking for a new van, and have previous when it comes to Spurs players...
GO FORTH, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS
The fourth official at Spurs v Villa was Stuart Attwell, many will see this as demotion after allowing a controversial Liverpool goal to stand v Sunderland.
On the plus side, if he was really being punished, the League would have made him 4th official at an Arsenal game, and let him be touched by Arsene Wenger.



Downing Street - Your Having A Laugh
Speaking to the Sun newspaper to promote the new series of The Apprentice, Lord Sugar compared the Lib Dems in Government to Leyton Orient in the Champions League - A fish out of water.
To be fair, Orient struggle in the Johnstone Paint Trophy, the Carling Cup and the FA Cup, let alone the Champions League.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(Lord Sugar story here -
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-11475944)- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

LIVERPOOL 1 BLACKPOOL 2
Liverpools recent form stumbles from awful to worse, from draws with Utrech and Sunderland and penalty defeat to Northampton, now topped by an embarrassing home defeat to prem newcomers Blackpool.
If things get any worse, there only chance of silverware will be in the Johnstone Paint Trophy.
FROM RED FACES TO RED SOCKS
As we prepare this column, news broke of the expected sale of Liverpool from Gillete and Hicks to the owner of the American Red Sox baseball team.
If the deal doesn't go through, ownership could transfer to the Royal Bank of Scotland, who financed the previous takeover.
Either way, Liverpool should come out the other side better off.
I'm sure they'd win more games in the SPL or MLS 
(Scottish Premier League / Major League Soccer)
LIVERPOOL NEEDS TALENT
Jamie Carragher says Liverpool need a big name signing.
Not sure they can afford any more Russian or Ukrainians, perhaps Joe Cole take a leaf out of surnamesake Andrew (nee Andy) Cole's book and call himself Joseph.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
more silly stuff www.tvtrigger.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

FRIENDLY FOES
Fulham have arranged a number of behind closed door friendlies to help Andrew Johnson regain match fitness.
Someone should tell Mr Fayed that the team can't get points for these games, and it's not a Palace conspiracy against him.

Leeds 4 Preston 6
An amazing match at Elland Road saw Preston come from 4-1 down after 40 minutes to win 6-4.
Of course if Nigel Miller had been reffing the game would have probably finished 4-4.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Football Funnies September 28th 2000 and 10

REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 23rd of SEPTEMBER
I don't normally do an 'ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY' this feature in the mail-out but 23rd September 2003 is a famous day in footballing history...
It the day that Rio Ferdinand forgot to turn up for a drug test, and was subsequently dropped from the England squad to play Turkey in Istanbul the following month.
Gary Neville suddenly went from ugly Man United and England full back to ugly Man United full back and England Self-appointed Union Rep.



Rio claimed he missed the test because he was moving house that day.
He never speculated on whether it was a crack house though...



Rio was later banned for eight months, missing the Euro 2004 finals, but then again,
If he had been selected in the squad, would he have remembered to turn up with his passport?


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

STOKE 1 WEST HAM 1
Their were further suggestions that West Ham are a one man team when Scott Parker grabbed the goal that earned them a point at Stoke.
Rumours that the new owners of West Ham are trying to sign Paul Parker and Captain Parker from Thunderbirds have not been confirmed by the club.

USELESS STAT OF THE DAY
At one point on saturday five of the six premier league matches were tied at 1-1
(WBA v Birmingham, Villa v Bolton, Sunderland v Arsenal, Tottenham v Wolves and Stoke v WHU)
That maybe a useless stat of the day to most of us, it might be a million quid in the bank for the Asian betting handicaps group who normally bet on Pakistan cricket matches.

I DID NOT SEE THE INCIDENT.
Arsene Wenger has been told by the Premier league not to touch the fourth official as they don't know where he's been.
It is of course the second unauthorised handling by a Frenchman in the last 12 months, following Thierry Henry in Dublin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Man United 3 Liverpool 2
United triumphed in the big North West clash with a hat-trick from £30 million forgotten man Dimi Berbatov.
Only another 97 goals to fully justify that fee then.
The biggest comeback involving the Pool since Michael Barrymore.



I DONT LIKE CRICKET
United manager Sir Rolex Ferguson told the media (although not the BBC) that it could have been a cricket score.
If the BBC want Sir Alex to speak to them on future Match of The Days, they'd be better off not investigating any links between Fergie and the Pakistan cricket team.



CAN YOU PHEEL IT?
Fergies relucatance to be interviewed by John Motson and co means a chance for assistant manager Mike Phelan to fill in every saturday.
Phelan is getting on so well with the BBC, they're thinking of inviting him onto Strictly Come Dancing, the National Lottery Show and Michael McIntyres Comedy Roadshow.


Thats all till the weekend
Hasta La Vista
Trigger
x

F-f-f-f-oooootball - Your 'Aving a Larf... September 18th 2000 and Ten.

This week it's all about managers who don't turn up, and some who do.

FUNNY OLD GAME
Roy Hodgson is refusing to set any targets for his first season in charge of Liverpool.
A wise decision maybe, as former Scouse boss Rafa Benitez GUARANTEED Liverpool would finish in the Top 4 last season, only for them to finish 7th.
Rafa is now at Inter Milan, who ARE in the Champions League this season and in the group stages play last season fourth best Premier League team Tottenham Hotspur.

SACRON BLEUR
THE current French Football Teams Technical Director and occasional Aston Villa manager GERRARD HOULLIER is another man who refuses to get too carried away at press conferences.
He told Villa fans he hopd he would get the team back to a position 'between 6th & 12th in the Premier League.
With ambition like that, it's easy to see how France crashed out of the World Cup in the group stages in South Africa losing To Mexico & Uruguay.

STOKE 2 ASTON VILLA 1
Stoke announced before kick off that manager Tony Pulis would not be at the game due to the death of his mother (he actually arrived on the touchline 4 mins after k/o)
With Gerrard Houllier missing for Villa, this must be the first time a Premier League match has kicked off WITHOUT AN ACTUAL MANAGER.
A Premier League match without a manager?? Maybe it COULD catch on...




GRANT Granted Time Off For Religious Behaviour
Avram Grant has been allowed to miss the forthcoming fixture against Stoke to observe Yom Kippur.
So that's two matches Stoke have played against managerless teams. Perhaps they've been doing their own praying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

EUROPE

MAN UNITED 0 RANGERS 0Resting 10 players from saturdays game against Everton backfired on Sir Alex Ferguson as they failed to beat Scottish champions Rangers.
In future he'll only rotate that many players against Wolves.


Messi at The MarshesLionel Messi was on Hackney Marshes on wednesday, part of a promotion for a boot sponsor, he also went to Brick Lane but never had a curry.
If only Orient had been able to reschedule the Brentford cup game forward at short notice.
Messi may have graced the La Liga, the World Cup and the Champions league, but it could have been a career highlight for him to have played at Brisbane Road in the JOHNSTONE PAINTS TROPHY.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

F-f-f-ootball - Your 'Aving A Laugh - September 13th 2010

F-f-f-f-OOTBALL....
YOUR 'AVING A LAUGH

What a week, an England footballer caught up in scandal, an England footballer injured on the pitch, an England manager steps down to spend more time as a pensioner, and an old favourite (punchline) as an old favourite returns to the premiership, or whatever it's called by the marketing people. Hold on to your seats.. Trigger

ROONEY PAYS £1,200 A NIGHT FOR PROSTITUTE

The News of The World and Sunday Mirror took a break from Cricket scandals to tell the story of Rooney 'playing away' while his wife was pregnant

I wonder what will run out first, his good looks, his money or his luck?

SWITZERLAND 1 ENGLAND 3

On the bright side, Rooney is still a vital part of the England team, and importantly a team player.

Unlike John Terry, he didn't sleep with a team-mates bird.

What Next for Rooney?

Dropped by Sir Alex on saturday for Man United's trip to his old team Everton at Goodison Park, Roo will return for the Champions League stroll v Rangers

Oh well, at least it left him free on Saturday to burn all copies of the News Of The World with Pastor Terry Jones.

- - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

England 4 Bulgaria 0

England started 2012 qualifying comfortably thanks to Jermain Defoes hat-trick, but he now faces 3 months out after picking up an injury in Swtizerland

I suppose he wanted to spend the last few days of Big Brother in front of the telly, after picking up so many birds from the programme over the years

Switzerland 1 England 3

England ended the match in Basle with 6 Man City players on the pitch, the first time since 2001 one club had provided 6 of the England 11.

They still have a way to go to match Corinthian Casuals who supplied all 11 players for Englnd v Wales in 1894 AND 1895.

Given Man City's current cash flow, it's probably the ONLY time they'll ever be compared to the noble amateurs of Corinthian Casuals.

Thank You For The Day

England's qualifiers got off to the unusual Friday/Tuesday combination, after years (decades even) of playing Saturday/Wednesdays back to back internationals.

I suppose it gives the players an extra day to spend with prostitutes/other players birds/Big Brother contestants.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For more up to the minute funny stuff go to www.twitter.com/radiogagger

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

FABIO STEPS DOWN AFTER 2012 EURO's (TO SPEND EUROS)

Fabio Capello has announced that he will stand down as England manager after The 2012 Euro's to spend more time 'as a pensioner'

I know his English is not great, and he is well paid as England manager, but is he planning to spend more time with Wayne Rooney at £1,200 a night?

FABIO TO BE REPLACED BY ENGLISHMAN

It was well documented recently by a 'CLUB ENGLAND DIRECTOR' that the next England manager will be English.

Does that rule Mikel Arteta IN or OUT? At least it gives Martin O'Neil two years to apply for a British passport.

FABIO QUITS TO SPEND MORE TIME A PENSIONER

If England want to keep some continuity, they should choose Brucie

Not (Englishman) Steve Bruce, pensioner Bruce Forsyth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - -

GERRARD WHO?

Gerrard Houllier is back in English football as Aston Villa manager but not sure when he is available to take over due to serving notice from the French Football Federation.

Perhaps Glenn Hoddle, Gus Hiddink or Glynn Hodges could step in as caretaker GH. They wouldn't need to change the initials on the tracksuit.

THE BEST EXCUSE EVER FOR MISSING A MATCH

At the press conference that welcomed him as Villa manager, Gerrard stated he would not be available for the next match (tonight) against Stoke as he had meetings to attend in his role as Technical Director for the French Federation.

I have to say that is the best excuse I've heard from an actual manager of a team. I do know of a Leyton Orient fan who missed a rare Andy Harris goal (at Oxford) for a dentist appointment but the closest he gets to picking the team is Championship Manager the PC game.

Until the next time

Trigger

x

World Cup Diary Blog - 2nd Round England v Germany

England v Germany
>
> Countdown to kick-off...
>
> 255pm Not used betfair in ages, just laid the 0-0 draw instead of
> backing it - Muppet. come on england, save me a few quid.
>
> 3.01pm had leaflet thru the door for Kingsland Curries' I suppose they
> need to advertise because they're not on Curry Capital in Brick Lane.
> Anyone wants their number, let me know... (0207 254 0001)
>
> From Twitter...
> jackwhitehall Germany havent not reached the last 8 since 1938! Well
> had other things on there mind back then didnt they!
> misterwallace There is a news crew here from ABC. I might pretend to be
> german.
> NeverWriteOff - Rubbish so far. Not England, I mean Lawro. Twelve mins
> gone and no gags yet. Sort it out
>
> Germany 1 England 0
> 7mins gone, my betfair money is safe. Safer than the England defence on
> that occasion.
>
> davidschneider - It's going to be a repeat of the 5-1 win. They just
> scored theirs first #stayingoptimistic
>
> quite a few men and women sunbathing on the grass opposite the house -
> obviously not interested in football, and prob not English.
> Honestly, I put enough flags up...
>
> IF IT GOES TO PENALTIES
> On the goalkeeping front, Joe Hart actually scored for the Under 21s in
> a penalty shoot last year. Rob Green has saved 7 of the last 20 he
> faced. David James in control today though...
>
> Germany 2 England 0
> Were gonna win 3-2. We still believe. Nurse- the tablets please. #eng
> #ger #worldcup
>
> Germany 2 England 1
> Back in it. Goal from Dave Gorman. Sorry Matthew Upson. His name is NOT
> Dave Gorman.
>
> Germany 2 England 2
> Disallowed goal. Ball crossed the line from Lampard shot, GOAL NOT
> GIVEN.
> England v Germany, ball cross line? Rings a bell...
>
> More from Twitter
> katyperry - BOOOOOO THE REFEREES A WANKER! NO GOAL LINE
> TECHNOLOGY?!!!!!
> I see russel brand has taught Katy the ritual chants...
>
> HALF-TIME Germany 2 England 1
>
> Guy Mowbray has repeated a mistake from this mornings newspaper.
> He (and they) say England haven't come from behind to win a World cup
> Finals game since the ACTUAL FINAL in 1966.
> Luckily for Guy, the man who presents the BBC football coverage,
> actually played in a game, AND SCORED twice in it.
> Thank you Gary Lineker for ENGLAND 3 CAMEROON 2 in 1990...
>
> Germany 3 England 1
> Mountain to climb. I blame John Terry. Just because...
>
> Germany 4 England 1
> Please don't let it be 5-1... or 4-1 with a dubious goal for them...
>
> FINAL SCORE Germany 4 England 1
>
> 1970 qf beaten by Germany
> 1990 sf beaten by Germany
> 2010 2nd rd beaten by Germany
> 2030??
>
>
> I think the FA should back down on their stance over Terry Venables,
> Let him coach the team for 2018,
> After all he does really well at home tournaments...
>
> PLUS POINT...
> There were no arrests in South Africa.
> Its possible that the further away the tournament, the less chance the
> thugs and neandertholls can afford to travel.
>
> So this time Africa, Sepp Blinder likes to rotate continents,
> 2014 Brazil
> 2018 England, Europe?
> 2022 on Venus or Mars?
> Official World Cup travel with Richard Branson's company Virgin
> Galactic... I just hope there more efficient that Virgin Trains..
>
> AND FINALLY... TECHNOLOGY
> The suggestion for goal line technology include having a chip in the
> ball.
> But if the ball had a chip in, what would England fans put on their
> shoulder?
>
>
>

'Shakira, Shakira'

Things you never expect to hear in your lifetime "I'll be watching the England game in an East London pub" @Shakira http://tinyurl.com/28w4jdu

World Cup Diary Blog EXTRA - June 28th 2010 - When Dave Tweeted Sepp

You've heard of the film WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, but have you heard of WHEN DAVE TWEETED SEPP?

It all started sunday about 5pm, (not surprisingly) And it's been continuing since then, it will probably go on until at least July 11th.

There will be a book, a film, radio, TV and press interviews.

But, now just for you, my loyal regular readers, here is part one of when dave Tweeted Sepp...
They actually go backwards in terms of most recent, but I wouldn't worry, they all have a common theme, so if you wanted you could scroll to the bottom of the email and read them UPWARDS!
It might might sound like hard work in this heatwave, but in my personal opinion, it adds to the fun.

I'm particularly looking forward to the DVD extra's commentary.
I'd like to see analysis from Emmanuel Adebayor (because no-one understands him) Lee Dixon and Andy Townsend, all held together by Adrian Chiles. I know they're contracted to different TV channels, but they share an agent (maybe, I'm bullsh*tting) and could come together on this project. I've counted 56 tweets so far, but, like LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE, this could run and run...

My own personal report on the match and the aftermath will follow tomorrow, until then, make yourself a cup of tea, get a comfy cushion, and enjoy.

PS Dave is not me, or anyone I know, but I do absoluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutely LOVE TWITTER!!
Anyone wants to follow this fella, drop me a line.

Until the next time
Trigger
x

STOP PRESS: You should definintly read them from the bottom up, it adds to the flavour.
 
@seppblatter name the time and place I'm ready to show ya what's what, I'll give you a taste of the master class then end yr nightmare 9 minutes ago  

@seppblatter you could pay for the extra man and camera with one day of your ludicrous salary, greedy know it all, stop whining! 10 minutes ago  

 

@seppblatter surely a man in your position needs to possess a set of huge cahones, I don't see em, you are the ken doll of football 15 minutes ago 

@seppblatter Unlike you and your countrymen I will never surrender, I get 10/10 for commitment to cause #sackseppblatter about 2 hours ago

@seppblatter you think controversy is more important than fairness you bizarre fruitloop, clean the sport up along with your act! about 2 hours ago 

@seppblatter I can't stop, you've forced my hand. Surrender your pathetic reign like napoleon you silly coward about 9 hours ago

@seppblatter your skills as a president are among the greatest circus acts, you racist cheater about 9 hours ago     

@seppblatter your country is a joke and so are you, you will never bring the world cup to England, prove me wrong! about 10 hours ago 

@seppblatter you will look a fool when the technology is introduced and you didn't do it sooner, your world cup skills are extremely poor about 10

@seppblatter I grow weary of telling like it as it is, I will sleep, WORK, then continue my campaign against the plague of football (you) about 21 hours

@seppblatter I'm not the only one who gives a shit about the rules, you are in danger, do not fear, the White flag is near about 21 hours ago via

@seppblatter stay away from the beautiful game you are a virus upon it and it makes me sick, who are you to decide what's right about 21 hours ago via

@seppblatter you ambitionless fruitcake living like a king, you sit high in your tower but you have to come down sometime about 21 hours ago via

@seppblatter bravo for bringing the world cup to Africa then making a fool out of yourself with the appointing of officials and lack of idea about 21 hours

@seppblatter you football terrorist, I'll fight you on the beaches for goal line technology, the French führer must be stopped about 22 hours ago via

@seppblatter you are the worst thing to happen to football, if you do not broaden your horizon then go home an put up your White flag about 22 hours

@seppblatter what do you say to a stuborn old lunatic who has no interest in the sport he claims to be president of, wake up crazy fool about 22 hours

@seppblatter I can't stop, what your policy of stoneage technology did to England and Mexico today is outrageous to the sport you terrorist about 22 

@seppblatter you will never change you stuborn old coward so it comes to #sackseppblatter, you will ne shown to be the coward you are about 22

@seppblatter we're only askin for the ref to have the option to refer to a 5th official with access to cameras, don't cost much you liar about 22 hours 

 

@seppblatter you give the impression of hard work, but you do about as much work as a bread line scrounger, just disappear will ya about 22 hours

@seppblatter fossil, relic, no imagination, no vision, fool, clown, simple minded, flag waving, French, I'm talking about you sepp about 22 hours ago

@seppblatter I don't want to hear how many hours you put in last year, it would only embarrass you further, you bumbling idiot fool about 22 hours ago

@seppblatter you should be ashamed of yourself, you fucking scumbag, you dont earn your bread you raving jackass, you don't kid me! about 22

@seppblatter the NHL Toronto decision comittee makes you look stupid, you giggling imbecile, stop it!! about 22 hours ago

@seppblatter all of your money is cursed, you don't deserve it, you are the biggest benefit theif in history, you no honour wank clown about 22 hours  

@seppblatter shut your mouth and know your role, your FIFA is a broken relic, you luaghing clown quit, you earn too much money about 22 hours ago

@seppblatter nobody cares what you are doing or where you are going you care not for the game but for the euro's in your bank about 22 hours ago 

 

@seppblatter basically you are an old fart who refuses to role with the times and it's time for you to leave, you have nothig to offer about 22 hours 

@seppblatter I am not blaming you for the England result as such but you cannot deny that a lack of technology changed a game about 22 hours ago

via

@SeppBlatter Leaving for Bloemfontein for the next chapter in a match which has created World Cup history, and now a joke because of you about 22

@seppblatter sorry it's been so long since my last tweet, give it up you got no game, 5th man decisions are way forward, costs nothing fool about 22   

@seppblatter you cannot escape the shame of of your time as FIFA president so you might aswell quit while your down, just like the rest about 23 

@seppblatter your policies have spoiled the first two last 16 games, I hope you're proud you fruitcake nutbat about 23 hours ago via Twitterrific

• @seppblatter what good is your FIFA doing? I could do a better job spinning on my cock, down with you, moron. Please quit about 23 hours ago via

  

@seppblatter the campaign against your regime will not waver, I'll fuck you in the street before you continue your war on football about 23 hours ago   

@seppblatter the masses will be heard sepp, you are a baffoon, show some class and quit like your countrymen, they will be proud about 23 hours ago

  

@seppblatter you clueless scared fool, stand aside peasant about 23 hours ago via Twitterrific

  

@seppblatter when the dust has settled on your reign you will be remembered for being a no can do jerk hole, zero ambition nappy arse about 23 hours   

@seppblatter I'll tell you why, because you are not a man of action, you lazy desk jockey, can't believe you ever played the game about 23 hours ago

@seppblatter you can't escape the shame of your reign, the next one will do the right thing so why not do it yourself about 23 hours ago 

@seppblatter you are a scared little child who has no place in the business, go home and sort ya life out before it gets any worse about 24 hours ago

  

@seppblatter perhaps you just like the attention, negative or not, would you not rather be remembered for advancing the sport about 24 hours ago via

@seppblatter you have much cash but I bet you don't have an iPhone, I smell your fear of technology from many miles away you fossil about 24 hours

@seppblatter the rest of the sporting world has left you in their dust, rugby, cricket, ice hockey are living in the now, grow up will you about 24 hours

  

@seppblatter you are obviously more concerned with lining your own pocket than the state of the game and your rubbish world cup. Quit now about 24 

@seppblatter I know you won't quit as you think you're amazing, ask the world, you are an absolute raving lunatic about 24 hours ago via Twitterrific

@seppblatter I think your tune would change if it happened to France you stone age relic, live in today's world you scumbag about 24 hours ago via

  

@seppblatter you are a closed minded bafoon who knows as much about football as a White flag waving chicken, quit now, we live in 2010 about 24

@seppblatter if you think your reign has been a success you are sadly mistaken, you are a disaster to the sport, truly about 24 hours ago

•   

@seppblatter I know your not a man, you have no honour, step down and save yourself while you still have a chance 

  

@seppblatter earning lots of money for doing nothing and earning even more money for making bad decisions must make you feel like a man

@seppblatter you disgust 95% of football fans all around the world, that must feel awful, to know that you absolutely stink must hurt DEEP!

  

@seppblatter your African world cup has become a farce you no talent loser, resign your post like a man you White flag frog

  

@seppblatter you are a joke, I wouldn't hire you to tie my laces

  

@seppblatter, what planet are you on and what century are you living in you are the worst  FIFA  president in history