Football Funnies (Weekend) October 29th 2000 and Ten...

Footballing Funnies 
October 29th 2000 and 10

Round Up Of The Week
Sunday: Man City 0 Arsenal 3 (Premier League)
Wednesday: Newcastle 0 Arsenal 4 (Carling Cup)
Tomorrow(Saturday) Arsenal 5 West Ham 0 ??
Someone has to do the predictions, now Paul The Octopus has gone! RIP Paul The Octopus...


Paul The Octopus passed away after his summer of glory, predicting 8 World Cup results in a row...
The joke doing the rounds this week was "he didn't see that coming"
On the contrary, he asked for his headstone to mirror Spike Milligans 'I TOLD YOU I WAS ILL'


IF THEY ALL WIN YOU OWE ME ONE
And just for fun... The new Tipster service to replace the Paul..  Eight In A Row...
Arsenal, Fulham, Rangers, Huddersfield, Wycombe, QPR, Ipswich and (Sunday) Aston Villa.
If all 8 win it pays a whopping 68-1 with William Hills. Get in!!
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Europe

Anything Roo Can Do, Ronny Wants Better (Bank On It)

Christiano Ronaldo found form in a weekend spanish league encounter with 4 goals in the 6-1 rout of Racing Santander.

But how long before his name is linked with a transfer window move to Man City, so his salary can also be hiked up by £100,000 a week?

PSV Eindhoven 10 Feyenoord 0
An embarrassing defeat for former European Cup Winners Feyenoord. Coach Mario Bean said "it was a glum day and because I'm in charge, I feel responsible"

I'm pretty sure the owners will also find him responsible, and pretty soon 'Been' 'Will be 'gone'.

TONY MOWBRAY APPOINTED MIDDLESBROUGH MANAGER
Tony Mowbray told the press conference he aims to get his home town club into the Champions League in '3 to 4 years'

Has The Champions League been expanded to include the Top 40 English sides? Blimey, even Crystal Palace will be in...
 

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Until the next time

Trigger
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Football Funnies (Midweek) October 24th-30th 2000 and ten

Football Funnies (Midweek)

October 24th-29th 2000 and ten

Weekend Round Up Carlisle 3 Charlton 4
Preston 4 Crystal Palace 3
Rotherham 3 Wycombe 4
Chesterfield 4 Shrewsbury 3

Inter Milan 4 Tottenham 3
Who said Three is the magic number?
DID YOU KNOW - Part 1Chesterfield 4 Shrewsbury 3 - The attendance at this seven goal thriller was 7,777

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 Rooney - The AftermathIf Rooney wants to dictate the team and new signings, why doesn't he buy Portsmouth?

Man United The Butt of The Stokes

Credit to the Stoke fans for their banterous chants in Sundays game against United.

3. Your s***, even Rooney says!

2."you've been robbed by a Scouser"

1."Rooney's right your team is ****".

Perhaps we should get Stoke fans to write our next Eurovision entry with Justin Lee Collins...

Will Sir Rolex start talking to the BBC again, to save the possible £25,000 per game fine (by the Premier League) towards Rooneys wages?
 

Letters of Complaint to Nostradamus c/o The Mail On Sunday
Piers Morgan uses his sunday newspaper column to say Alex Fergusons days at Old Trafford are numbered after the Rooney transfer debacle.
That's a bold statement from The Arsenal biased supporting journo on a football manager who is nearly 70 years old... 

Thought Of The Day

If Sir Alex Ferguson cuts out travelling to pointless friendlies, Champions League Away ties and Scunthorpe, he could easily manage Man United until he is 101.

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Premier League

Man City 0 Arsenal 3

They've got no Kaka, They've got no Rooney, Man City for Champions - You must be a loony!

West Brom 2 Fulham 1

Fulham took to the pitch in a new 'Harrods Green' third kit in honour of Mohammed Al Fayad's former corner shop.

I wonder if the next step will be the paint the grass red so the players will see each other?
What Would Rafa Benitez Say? (Or Guarantee)

Well done to West brom. Their win over Harrods Green Fulham, followed by win at Arsenal and point at Old Trafford saw them take fourth spot in the Premiership,

on course for a Champions League qualifer away to Braga next August.

They shouldn't be complacent however. In two weeks time if West Brom slip up, the top Four Could easily be Chelsea, Sunderland, Bolton and Newcastle.

That's all  until the weekend

Trigger

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Football Funnies October 17th-23rd 2000 and 10

Football Funnies
October 17th-23rd 2000 and Ten.

The History of Wayne Rooneys Week on 100 Words
So the news that Rooney wanted out of Old Trafford surfaced after he was left on the bench in the home draw with West Brom last saturday. Fergie confirmed the news on Tuesday, Rooney counteracted with a statement airing his concern of United future signings, at the match v Bursaspor fans hoisted banners proclaiming Rooney to be the whore in reference to his recent play away day. A group of fans also demonstrated outside his house on news he might join neighbours Man City,on Friday lunchtime it was announced Rooney had signed a new 5 yr contract (worth £200k a week)
Other than City, Chelsea, Real Madrid and Barcelona were linked with signing Wazza.
If he had gone to Real Madrid, Rebecca Loos would have been rubbing her hands, I just hope their clean after waxing off that pig on the channel 5 farm...

It'll could have been a unique hat-trick for Loos, ie Beckham, Rooney and the pig.
Rooney not quite on a par with Beckham in the glamour stakes, in fact about level with the pig.
RIP Macolm Allison
The flamboyant manager who had spells around the world and South London was once photographed with an actress in the players bath.
So it was Big Mal who influenced todays crop of bad boys Terry, Rooney, Cole and Crouch...

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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Inter Milan 4 Tottenham Hotspur 3

At half-time it was Inter 4 Tottenham 0 - it was like men against Young Boys
Hang on wasn't that the qualifying round??

Spus were 3 down and a goalkeeper short after 20 minutes, but in the second Gareth Bale scored an amazing hat-trick to make the final result look very close. A typical spurs game really.
THE SEAGULLS FOLLOW THE TRAWLER - PART 2
In a pre-match press conference Inter boss Rafa Benitez made a strange reference to white liquid in a bottle being milk, a metaphor aimed at the owners and chief executive of Liverpool who sacked Benitez in the summer.
Benitez is the first ex Liverpool employee to advertise milk since Ian Rush in the "Accrington Stanley" advert..


YOU DON'T GET NOTHING FOR SEVENTH - NOT IN THIS LEAGUE
Rafa of course GUARANTEED that Liverpool would finish in the top 4 and qualify for champions league (this season).
Tottenham pipped Man City for 4th spot, Liverpool finished 7th, sacked Rafa, while Inter won the Champions League and lost Mourinhio to Real Madrid and replaced him with... yep, Rafa Benitez - and Inter were subsequently paired with the fourth club from the English league.
So the man who guaranteed champions league football, got it - for himself at least. Funny old game as they say...
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for funny stuff daily www.twitter.com/radiogagger
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WEEKEND RESULTS

Arsenal 2 Birmingham 1

Jack Wilshire was sent off in the 89th minute for a reckless tackle on Nikola Zigic as Arsenal held on to a hard fought win.
On the plus side for 18 year old Jack, he wasn't arrested at a nightclub on the same weekend.


DID YOU SEE THE INCIDENT?
"We must fight to keep beautiful tackling, and that's tackling with the desire to get the ball back, rather than jumping in at any cost, " "Managers... are all responsible for the behaviour of our teams,"
The following sentence was from Arsene Wengers programme notes last week.
Not sure if Jack Wilshire had actually read them, perhaps they're printed in French?
Everton 2 Liverpool 0
Has John Henry bought the wrong merseysiders?
At least if the New England Sports Ventures do take Liverpool to the top they can say they started at the bottom (almost)



Leicester 1 Hull 1

Sven Gorran Errikson is back in English football at Leicester, after his world cup spell at Ivory Coast.

The bald guy with the goatee at Match of The Day asked Sven will he be wearing a suit or a tracksuit on the touchline.

What he really wanted to ask would it be blonde or brunette that night, and does he still use Hooters in Nottingham?

Until the next time
Drink your milk
Trigger
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International Football Funnies October 10th-17th 2000 and 10

International Round Up

October 17th 2010

England 0 Montenegro 0

Montenegro stay top of the group while England have a game in hand, with both teams still unbeaten.

Despite failing to win the game it was a proud moment for Kevin Davies, at the age of 33, picking up his first ever yellow card for his country. 

A Bigger back Story than Gamu

Montenegro used to be Yugoslavia and then they became Serbia &  Montenegro before splitting into two.

Honestly they changed their name more than the Artist formerly known as Prince.

Kazakhstan 0 Germany 3

Where Montenegro were the result of a country splitting into two (or more) due to war,

Germany is the result of West and East Germany combining football talent after the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Names are changed to reflect the times we live in, the Germany XI should probably be renamed 'Germany Allstars' to account for the number of Poles, Brazilians and Turks in the national team..

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A Word From The Sponsors

The ITV coverage of England v Montengro was sponsored by Sharp.

If only someone had told the players.

The Odd Bunch

The latest odds are coming up in the corner of your screen now.

Is that Ray Winstone promoting another ITV advertiser, or just a frank description of Rooney, Crouch and co...

Rumania Under21 0 England Under 21 0

The U21s secured qualification to the Euro 2011 tournament and, with the failure of the senior team to beat Montenegro, saw questions from the media as to whether the youngsters are ready to step up to the big stage.

Ultimately, only time will tell but, crucially no-one knows whether they will learn to be unfaithful to their wives and girlfriends in the same style as Terry, Cole, Rooney and Crouch..

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Czech Republic 2 Scotland 0

Scots manager Craig Levein surprised and angered fans by playing a formation 4-6-0 without a recognised striker.

Rumours he is waiting for Bravo Tv to commission a new series of Search for A Striker (which discovered Steve Watts for Leyton Orient) have so far been denied.

Scotland 2 Spain 3

After the baffling team choice v Czech Republic, Levein found space for Kenny Miller in a 4-5-1 formation and could be considered unlucky to lose by the odd goal in five to the European and World Champions.

As seen during the world cup group match with Switzerland, if you want to beat Spain you need to schedule the game for afternoon kick-off when they are more prone to a siesta and Scotland players are not in the pub.

Italy v Serbia Abandoned

The match was abandoned after 6 minutes because of Serbia fans rioting,

thought to be a protest of their previous defeat to Estonia.

UEFA haven't confirmed yet whether the match will be replayed,

but normally a 0-0 away to Italy WITHOUT playing a 4-6-0 formation is a good result.

Until the next time

hasta la Vista

trigger

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Football Funnies October 11th 2010

Tottenham v Villa, Liverpool v Blackpool, Leeds v Preston Fulham v Friends and much more...


TOTTENHAM 2 ASTON VILLA 1
Two goals from Rafael Van De Vart, following on from a midweek Champions league goal, paying for himself already.
I suppose that's what you call going Dutch...
Good news for Harry Redknapp, bought himself a new van for £8m in the summer and getting a good miles per gallon return at the moment.
Bad news is Man United are also looking for a new van, and have previous when it comes to Spurs players...
GO FORTH, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS
The fourth official at Spurs v Villa was Stuart Attwell, many will see this as demotion after allowing a controversial Liverpool goal to stand v Sunderland.
On the plus side, if he was really being punished, the League would have made him 4th official at an Arsenal game, and let him be touched by Arsene Wenger.



Downing Street - Your Having A Laugh
Speaking to the Sun newspaper to promote the new series of The Apprentice, Lord Sugar compared the Lib Dems in Government to Leyton Orient in the Champions League - A fish out of water.
To be fair, Orient struggle in the Johnstone Paint Trophy, the Carling Cup and the FA Cup, let alone the Champions League.
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LIVERPOOL 1 BLACKPOOL 2
Liverpools recent form stumbles from awful to worse, from draws with Utrech and Sunderland and penalty defeat to Northampton, now topped by an embarrassing home defeat to prem newcomers Blackpool.
If things get any worse, there only chance of silverware will be in the Johnstone Paint Trophy.
FROM RED FACES TO RED SOCKS
As we prepare this column, news broke of the expected sale of Liverpool from Gillete and Hicks to the owner of the American Red Sox baseball team.
If the deal doesn't go through, ownership could transfer to the Royal Bank of Scotland, who financed the previous takeover.
Either way, Liverpool should come out the other side better off.
I'm sure they'd win more games in the SPL or MLS 
(Scottish Premier League / Major League Soccer)
LIVERPOOL NEEDS TALENT
Jamie Carragher says Liverpool need a big name signing.
Not sure they can afford any more Russian or Ukrainians, perhaps Joe Cole take a leaf out of surnamesake Andrew (nee Andy) Cole's book and call himself Joseph.
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more silly stuff www.tvtrigger.wordpress.com
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FRIENDLY FOES
Fulham have arranged a number of behind closed door friendlies to help Andrew Johnson regain match fitness.
Someone should tell Mr Fayed that the team can't get points for these games, and it's not a Palace conspiracy against him.

Leeds 4 Preston 6
An amazing match at Elland Road saw Preston come from 4-1 down after 40 minutes to win 6-4.
Of course if Nigel Miller had been reffing the game would have probably finished 4-4.
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