Football Funnies - March 15/16th 2014

The Professor Peter ‏@radiogagger  Mar 15

It's so tough down at the bottom of the Premier League, there are actually six teams in the bottom three.

Hull 0 Man City 2

Good goal from David De Silva, returning from his winter mid season goal break.

Gold medal for Silva?

Who keeps Kompany company during his (presumably) three match ban?.

I suppose he could hang out with Alan Pardew..

Aston Villa 1 Chelsea 0

Willian sent off. He had to leave early anyway, to get back for #thevoiceuk battle rounds on BBC1.

Fabulous finish fabian!

Delightful dribbling Delph!

Mourinho has blamed Chris Foy for defeat and the two sendings-off. He said Foy should give up refereeing and stick to the Olympic Cycling.

Mourinho Willian and Eamires all sent off. 

So now we know who keeps Kompany company. Along with pardew.

Swansea 1 West Bromwich 2

If Swansea AND Cardiff get relegated, The Welsh Premier League will be REALLY interesting next season.

Savage summarising tonight. Well the BBC will insist on employing Robbie.

Well done WBA under pressure manager Pepe Mel on win at Swansea. Still looking for first win in England though.

Everton 2 Cardiff 1

Inspired goalkeeping from Marshall for Cardiff. Marshall marshalling the troops. Or not as case may be, in 90th minute.

"That's the margins innit?" Nice bit of cockney from olly gunnar... I thought he was from Manchester?

Southampton (aka England B) 4 Norwich 2

Roy Hodgson gave four Saints players their England debut this season. He's waiting for the saints job full time. He might be better sending Delia his cv

How comes the Saints manager has a translator, but none for Rickie Lambert?

Stoke 3 West Ham 1

"a welcome mid-table look to the match between stoke and west ham" Try telling the fans that gary.

Early goal for Andy Carroll, still trying to force his way into the England squad for the permanently injured spot.

That Odemwingie goal/tap-in was worth driving all the way from QPR for.

And Odemwingie's second was worth driving through the night for.

Fulham 1 Newcassle' 0

I thought Alan Pardew might go shopping in harrods during the Fulham v Newcastle match

Cruel for krul.

Felix Magath's new glasses made a winning debut today. Hard to see a way back for the old glasses. Lasted even less than rene rene.

Sunderland 0 Crystal Palace 0

He's hit the woodwork! A normal night out in sunderland, to be fair

The only Premier League game of the weekend to finish goalless. Actually kicked off 3pm saturday and were still playing sunday morning without troubling the scorers.

Manchester Disunited 0 Liverpool 3

Two out of three penalties scored by Gerrard. Two out of three ain't bad.

Gerrard unlucky not to follow in footsteps of Jan Molby and score a hat-trick of penalties. Still time for a drink driving jail sentence tho..

Things are getting so bad for Manchester United, rumours are that the Glazers will sell to Vincent Tann and change to a blue kit

After 2-2 draw with Fulham on 9th Feb, Moyes said that was as bad as it gets. He was wrong... Olympiakos and then Liverpool.

Rooney said defeat at home to Liverpool one of his worst days in football. Well, second only to signing that new contract maybe..

Liverpool normally rely on the SAS to get the goals. Today they stepped up/on the GAS.

United were in reverse and showing a bad SAG.

Who'd have thought when the Grumpy Old Scot left, United would fall apart. They need to sign Troy or Dynamo, to bring back the magic.

NORTH LONDON DERBY

Tottenham 0 Arsenal 1

I think spurs are missing the 'el' inbetween the hp on their shirts

I heard Theo has taken an extra big wallet today to catch all the coins.

On the plus side for spurs if they keep 75% possession for rest of game they can restrict arsenal to 1-0

BREAKING NEWS: Jermain Defoe has scored twice on his debut in the North Canadian Derby.

Rosicky always scores on the big occasions. #NorthLondonDerby #nld 

Fa cup 3rd round v spurs. Facup 5th rd v Orient at Brisbane Road

Tim Sherwood's been a manager for 5 minutes, already showing the anger management issues of Alan Pardew. Fast learner.

Tim should be careful though, throwing balls at players. He hasn't got the security of an 8 year contract like Pardew #spursdaynights 

Tottenham need another £100m rebuild in the summer. 

Gary Lineker better forget Sports Relief and start #Spursrelief

Don't forget... You saw them first on twitter!

World Cup Diary Blog - 2nd Round England v Germany

England v Germany
>
> Countdown to kick-off...
>
> 255pm Not used betfair in ages, just laid the 0-0 draw instead of
> backing it - Muppet. come on england, save me a few quid.
>
> 3.01pm had leaflet thru the door for Kingsland Curries' I suppose they
> need to advertise because they're not on Curry Capital in Brick Lane.
> Anyone wants their number, let me know... (0207 254 0001)
>
> From Twitter...
> jackwhitehall Germany havent not reached the last 8 since 1938! Well
> had other things on there mind back then didnt they!
> misterwallace There is a news crew here from ABC. I might pretend to be
> german.
> NeverWriteOff - Rubbish so far. Not England, I mean Lawro. Twelve mins
> gone and no gags yet. Sort it out
>
> Germany 1 England 0
> 7mins gone, my betfair money is safe. Safer than the England defence on
> that occasion.
>
> davidschneider - It's going to be a repeat of the 5-1 win. They just
> scored theirs first #stayingoptimistic
>
> quite a few men and women sunbathing on the grass opposite the house -
> obviously not interested in football, and prob not English.
> Honestly, I put enough flags up...
>
> IF IT GOES TO PENALTIES
> On the goalkeeping front, Joe Hart actually scored for the Under 21s in
> a penalty shoot last year. Rob Green has saved 7 of the last 20 he
> faced. David James in control today though...
>
> Germany 2 England 0
> Were gonna win 3-2. We still believe. Nurse- the tablets please. #eng
> #ger #worldcup
>
> Germany 2 England 1
> Back in it. Goal from Dave Gorman. Sorry Matthew Upson. His name is NOT
> Dave Gorman.
>
> Germany 2 England 2
> Disallowed goal. Ball crossed the line from Lampard shot, GOAL NOT
> GIVEN.
> England v Germany, ball cross line? Rings a bell...
>
> More from Twitter
> katyperry - BOOOOOO THE REFEREES A WANKER! NO GOAL LINE
> TECHNOLOGY?!!!!!
> I see russel brand has taught Katy the ritual chants...
>
> HALF-TIME Germany 2 England 1
>
> Guy Mowbray has repeated a mistake from this mornings newspaper.
> He (and they) say England haven't come from behind to win a World cup
> Finals game since the ACTUAL FINAL in 1966.
> Luckily for Guy, the man who presents the BBC football coverage,
> actually played in a game, AND SCORED twice in it.
> Thank you Gary Lineker for ENGLAND 3 CAMEROON 2 in 1990...
>
> Germany 3 England 1
> Mountain to climb. I blame John Terry. Just because...
>
> Germany 4 England 1
> Please don't let it be 5-1... or 4-1 with a dubious goal for them...
>
> FINAL SCORE Germany 4 England 1
>
> 1970 qf beaten by Germany
> 1990 sf beaten by Germany
> 2010 2nd rd beaten by Germany
> 2030??
>
>
> I think the FA should back down on their stance over Terry Venables,
> Let him coach the team for 2018,
> After all he does really well at home tournaments...
>
> PLUS POINT...
> There were no arrests in South Africa.
> Its possible that the further away the tournament, the less chance the
> thugs and neandertholls can afford to travel.
>
> So this time Africa, Sepp Blinder likes to rotate continents,
> 2014 Brazil
> 2018 England, Europe?
> 2022 on Venus or Mars?
> Official World Cup travel with Richard Branson's company Virgin
> Galactic... I just hope there more efficient that Virgin Trains..
>
> AND FINALLY... TECHNOLOGY
> The suggestion for goal line technology include having a chip in the
> ball.
> But if the ball had a chip in, what would England fans put on their
> shoulder?
>
>
>

They think its all f-f-f-foooooootball Feb 7th

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Latest Score
ITV 0 BBC1 (Merseyside og 118th) Grade OUT!

Beckham's Coming Home – Week TwoSir Bobby Robson has told David Beckham to sign for AC Milan because playing in a second rate league will damage his chances of playing in the 2010 World Cup.
There goes our chance of joining Leyton Orient with his friend Connor Byrne...


Beckhams representatives will tell LA Galaxy he wants to stay in Italy with AC Milan, but he may have to take a £10 million pay cut.
If Becks fancies waving goodbye to 20 million big ones, he should definitely invest in the Orient.


They Think It's All Over, it is now...
Sadly, the Byrne/Becks deal for Orient fell through on Wednesday night and the following day former Colchester manager Geraint Williams was appointed manager of Orient until the end of the season.
From millions, tattoos, and Spice Girls to Williams, daffodils and sheep in one fell swoop.

Tony Adams Portsmouth Watch...
Still there. Enough to drive Pompey fans to drink.

King Kenny talks...
Kenny Dalglish has told the Mirror newspaper Liverpool must act now to save the season.
Rafa must really appreciate the advice of a manager who walked out 18 years ago after a cup game with Everton and ended up on the golf course.

"Got your number"...Dan Gosling reveals he got a standing ovation from his Everton team-mates for his dramatic FA Cup winner against Liverpool . More than he got from the people watching at home on ITV, but the people at home didn't see it thanks to an ITV fault which switched to adverts for Vauxhall & Tic-tac in the 118th minute.
The FA have got your number ITV. Although next time the FA Cup and England games package comes up, they won't be ringing it...


Thought of the day
Wouldn't adverts for Kit Kat (Have a break, have a kit kat) and 118 118 have been more appropriate?

Put Your Foot Down...
Former Newcastle and England manager Kevin Keegan this week received a six month driving ban for speeding through Carlisle.
Harsh – I've been to Carlisle and it isn't that bad.

Saved by the Snow.
Tuesday night in London was due to welcome football fans from Leeds, Cardiff, Swansea and Birmingham as Millwall were also at home to Colchester...
I gather the police might want a say in the rearrangement of those fixtures...


Salt And Win Again...
BBC Sport's Gary Lineker would rather have his ears pinned back - or stop eating crisps - than take the England manager's job.
On the plus side for the general public, if he took the England managers job, we wouldn't have to watch any more of the crisp adverts.

New Form guides statistics
exclusive to 'They Think It's All Football'
Hull City – LLLLL (Losers Losers Losers Losers)
Portsmouth – LLLD (late lonely losers Draw)
Newcastle – LLLD (laughing Stock Lost Drab)
Man United – WWWW (Wa***** Wa***** Wa*****)0D


Orient marketing Techniques under David BeckhamPants! - This article has been cancelled due to takeover talks shelved.

Breaking News...
Walkers Crisps have signed up Ray Wilkins as cover for Gary Lineker, in the event of him taking the England managers job.
This column will be back next week unless assaulted by a footballer in a Leeds nightclub.