Friday 25 September 2009

The Managerial Merry-go-round Feb 14th 2009

** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Thought of the day...
Will the Chelsea manager job be the best paid part time job ever?
(I never saw that one on Gumtree...)

Guus Hiddink gets the gig, through his Russian contacts, but won't start the job this week. This gives the laundry woman an extra week to find and wash Glenn Hoddle's old Chelsea 'GH' tracksuit.
Gerard Houllier must be gutted his application was lost in the post by widcat striking British postman...

The Premier League managers went out two by two...
September: Alan Curbishley (WHU) Kevin Keegan (Noocastle)
October: Juan Ramos (Spurs) , Harry Redknapp (Portsmouth)
December: Roy Keane (Sunderland) Paul Ince (Blackburn)
February: Tony Adams (Portsmouth) Felipe (Chelski)

SueOne
Just as well Felipe Scolari is getting a pay-off from Chelsea in the region of £6-7 million after just seven months in charge.
He wont feel the need to sue Mike Riley, the ref who sent off Frank Lampard and left Chelsea with 10 men against close rivals Liverpool who went on to win with two late late goals.

Odd Odds
Avram Grant was in the fairly unique situation on Monday of being favourite for both Chelsea and Pompey jobs at one point. Now Portsmouth is his only choice, unless Sven nicks it.
I hear Grant was nicknamed BBC during his previous spell on the coast, not because he casually insulted black tennis players in the green room, but for his training methods of 'Balls, Bibs and Cones'

Licence To Shrill
Carlos Tevez had his car siezed by police on the M60 in Manchester at the weekend after they found he doesn't possess a full UK driving licence.
Tevez claimed that he drives on the licence of Kia Joorabchian who owns his soul, but police weren't having it.


Russian It Through Before The Deadline
Question marks over the time the Andre Arshavin transfer from Zenit St Petersburg to Arsenal was finalised.
Arsene Wenger has said he did not see the clock/incident.


Sue Two
Kevin Keegan is to sue Newcastle for £9 million after his dismissal as manager.
Blimey, his speeding ticket in Carlisle last week was only £750.

They think its all f-f-f-foooooootball Feb 7th

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Latest Score
ITV 0 BBC1 (Merseyside og 118th) Grade OUT!

Beckham's Coming Home – Week TwoSir Bobby Robson has told David Beckham to sign for AC Milan because playing in a second rate league will damage his chances of playing in the 2010 World Cup.
There goes our chance of joining Leyton Orient with his friend Connor Byrne...


Beckhams representatives will tell LA Galaxy he wants to stay in Italy with AC Milan, but he may have to take a £10 million pay cut.
If Becks fancies waving goodbye to 20 million big ones, he should definitely invest in the Orient.


They Think It's All Over, it is now...
Sadly, the Byrne/Becks deal for Orient fell through on Wednesday night and the following day former Colchester manager Geraint Williams was appointed manager of Orient until the end of the season.
From millions, tattoos, and Spice Girls to Williams, daffodils and sheep in one fell swoop.

Tony Adams Portsmouth Watch...
Still there. Enough to drive Pompey fans to drink.

King Kenny talks...
Kenny Dalglish has told the Mirror newspaper Liverpool must act now to save the season.
Rafa must really appreciate the advice of a manager who walked out 18 years ago after a cup game with Everton and ended up on the golf course.

"Got your number"...Dan Gosling reveals he got a standing ovation from his Everton team-mates for his dramatic FA Cup winner against Liverpool . More than he got from the people watching at home on ITV, but the people at home didn't see it thanks to an ITV fault which switched to adverts for Vauxhall & Tic-tac in the 118th minute.
The FA have got your number ITV. Although next time the FA Cup and England games package comes up, they won't be ringing it...


Thought of the day
Wouldn't adverts for Kit Kat (Have a break, have a kit kat) and 118 118 have been more appropriate?

Put Your Foot Down...
Former Newcastle and England manager Kevin Keegan this week received a six month driving ban for speeding through Carlisle.
Harsh – I've been to Carlisle and it isn't that bad.

Saved by the Snow.
Tuesday night in London was due to welcome football fans from Leeds, Cardiff, Swansea and Birmingham as Millwall were also at home to Colchester...
I gather the police might want a say in the rearrangement of those fixtures...


Salt And Win Again...
BBC Sport's Gary Lineker would rather have his ears pinned back - or stop eating crisps - than take the England manager's job.
On the plus side for the general public, if he took the England managers job, we wouldn't have to watch any more of the crisp adverts.

New Form guides statistics
exclusive to 'They Think It's All Football'
Hull City – LLLLL (Losers Losers Losers Losers)
Portsmouth – LLLD (late lonely losers Draw)
Newcastle – LLLD (laughing Stock Lost Drab)
Man United – WWWW (Wa***** Wa***** Wa*****)0D


Orient marketing Techniques under David BeckhamPants! - This article has been cancelled due to takeover talks shelved.

Breaking News...
Walkers Crisps have signed up Ray Wilkins as cover for Gary Lineker, in the event of him taking the England managers job.
This column will be back next week unless assaulted by a footballer in a Leeds nightclub.

They Think It's All fff...football - February 1st 2009



*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***
February 1st 2009
Looks like David Beckham's manager/agent Terry Byrne will be heading a consortium to buy Leyton Orient, Goldenballs local club when growing up in Chingford.
Beckham has been in the news already this week with speculation over whether he will return from AC Milan to his $250 million dollar contract at LA Galaxy.
O's Fans (me included) have been hoping for years how we could do with a chairman with realistically 10% of what David Beckham is worth. Now it appears that's exactly what could happen.

Big Talk last weekend was the fact that Robbie Keane never went to the
Liverpool v Everton match after hearing he wasn't in the team. 
Don't worry – he was just picking up Robinho from the airport...  
Fairly Dull Football Fact... 
James Milner has scored at The Stadium of Light for his last three clubs,
Leeds, Newcastle and Aston Villa.   
Credit Crunch News 
Harry Redmouths house in the Sandbanks has lost approximately £2 million in value  because of the credit crunch. 
If things were to get any worse and our favourite Eastend football manager were to be made homeless, Harry should move in with the striker he has spent £24 million on in the last year. Jerman Defoe has increased in value from £9 million to £15 million in 12 months.
Thought of The Day
If Spurs re-sign Robbie Keane and Sol Campbell, to play alongside Jerman Defoe and Pascal Chimbonda, will they change their name to Friends Re-United?   

Fwd: They Think It's All Football January 24th 2009

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Urgent Help needed:
If you find Robinho, please send him back to Manchester (or Brazil or Chelsea)

Money Money Money
Kaka's current deal with AC Milan gives him a guaranteed million pound pay-rise a year for the duration of his contract.
With Man City sniffing around, they'll have to offer him a million pay rise every six weeks...

So Man City wanted Kaka and got Craig Bellamy.
Now that's what I call being affected by the credit crunch.


Thought(s) of The Day?
If Man City go bankrupt will the Government bail them out?
Was the Kaka transfer a smoke screen so City fans didn't complain about the signing of Craig Bellamy?

It's not realistic for City to expect Kaka to sign, even for £100 Million.
For about £200,000 they might just get Ulrikakakaka, and the good news is she's already been scouted(sic) by their previous manager Sven...


Now the player the clubs with the cash are after is Wilson Picket from Wigan.
Harry Redknapp has the sweetest feeling about him.

The Carling Cup...
After Spurs 4-1 win at White Hart Lane in the first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final, Harry Redknapp said if we can't go there (ie a Championship side) and defend a 3 goal lead there is something wrong with this club.
Full Time score Burnley 3 Tottenham Hotspur 0 (Spurs scored two late goals in extra time)
I wonder if Harry will be learning Spanish and checking the Madrid job centre vacancies in the near future...


More Lilywhite Woe...
After Spurs 1-1 draw with Portsmouth Harry Redknapp said his wife Sandra could have scored the chance that Darren Bent missed. After Spurs 3-2 defeat after extra time at Burnley (salvaged from 0-3 down with 3 minutes of extra time left) a text to 606 on 5live stated
"My wife Sandra could manage that team better than Harry Redknapp - And that text is from D.Bent"


Only Tottenham... could win the first leg of a semi-final at home 4-1 (half-way in the tie) and go to a championship side and lose 3-0 and face going out on away goals, before scoring 2 goals in the last two minutes of extra-time.

Only Tottenham... could play Kevin Keegan's Man City in the FA Cup at White Hart Lane, be leading 3-0 at half-time (King 2 Keane 19 Ziege 43)
and lose 3-4 (Distin 48 Bosvelt 61 Wright-Philips 80 Macken 90) at full-time.

Only Tottenham... could play Manchester United in a league match at White Hart Lane, lead 3-0 at half-time, (Richards 15, Ferdinand 25 Ziege 45)
and lose 3-5 (Cole 46 Blanc 58 Van Nistleroy 72 Veron 76 Beckham 87) at full time
It's not new players Spurs need. It's new scriptwriters...


Thought of The Day
Do Tottenham always lose when Christian Ziege puts them 3-0 up?
Do any fans leave early when Tottenham go 3-0 up on a team from Lancashire?


So the first silverware of the domestic season will be won (and lost) with the Carling Cup Final at Wembley on March 1st between Holders Tottenham and Man United...
Any chance Spurs reserve goalkeeper Ben Alnwick (his first game for Spurs this season after a loan spell at Carlisle) will keep his place for the final?

They Think It All Ffffffffooooooooootballl Jan 17th 2009

The FA have announced they will reopen the investigation into the West Ham Carlos Jackall ownership affair from two years ago...
IN related news, FIFA have said they'll have another look at the 1966 World Cup Final goal...


After Rafa Benitez allegations against Sir Alex last Friday, Liverpool directors have called a board meeting to discuss his future
.A) Ranting to journalists at press conferences...
B) Outbursts against Sir Fergie...
Looks like he'll be the next manager of Newcastle then...


And talking of Change...
If Barry Hearn wants to replace Martin Ling as manager of Orient, should he look in the Exchange The Mart?
And do Orient sign their new players from 'Dalston Weekly'?

Kevin Pieterson has resigned as England cricket captain.
What is it about the name Kevin that causes people to walk away from the sports biggest job for their country? (or England in Pietersons case) I'd love it, absolutely love it, to know why.


Rafa Benitez says that Sir Alex Ferguson should be allowed to arrange the fixtures to his liking, and Fergie hasn't spoke to the BBC for years after the expose of his son on Panaroma...
Why don't we have a saturday night phone vote show, where everybody can pick Uniteds next opponents. Fergie, the new Simon Cowell and Lord Webber roled into one...


How much???
Kaka famously wore a t-shirt after the AC Milan-Liverpool Champions League Final “I Become To Jesus”
Carlso Tevez used to wear a t-shirt “I belong to Kia Joorabchian”

Tom Cruise is asking David Beckham to wear a t-shirt “I Belong to Scientology”

An unnamed premier league footballer lost £1 million on a night out at a casino.
Cue begging letters to Kaka at Man City...


Effendim?In Turkish, I'm told, kaka means s**t.
If Man City want to spend £100 million in s**t, they should re-sign Ben Thatcher...
Kaka's real name is... Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite
His brother gave him the nickname Kaka...

Whats your brazillian football name?
http://www.minimalsworld.net/BrazilName/brazilian.shtml
Until next time - Merraldo (No.4)

Transfer Window Special

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

Manchester City (that's the one in blue) are prepared to pay £100 million for Brazillian ace Kaka.
Couldn't they buy the whole of Brazil for £100 million?

Spurs have resigned Jermaine Defoe, paying £15 million for him, a year
after selling him for £9 million.
Expect Robbie Keane to arrive back at the Lane in July for £26 million...

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has attempted to pull off the transfer window coup of the season, with the signing of daughter-in-law Louise Redknapp.
Canny Harry reckons the former FHM Sexiest Women In The World Winner taking to the pitch every fortnight (mainly sundays) is the only way spurs will fill their new 60,000 planned seater stadium every week.

Tottenham have also been linked with a move for Stewart Downing for 15 million from Middlesbrough.
Down down deeper and down... (Bent, Bentley and Bendtner??)

According to the sun newspaper Rochdale are the first club in the UK to serve kebab inside the ground.
The club denied speculation they will be attempting to sign Colin Kazim Richards, Tugay and Tuncay, (from Fenerbahce, Blackburn and Middlesbrough) in the transfer window...

Contract talks between Manchester United and Carlos Tevez have turned ugly...
No, hang on a minute, that's just a photo of Carlos Tevez...


Jermaine Pennant has priced himself out of a dream move to Real Madrid by asking for too much wages...
Perhaps he was concerned his ankle tag wouldn't work in Spain...


Thought of the Day
If Tony Adams gets the sack at Portsmouth, will he have more time to help Gazza kick the booze?

Fug on the tyne...
Shay Givens solicitor says the Newcastle goalkeeper would like to move to a different club.
Joe Kinnear says this is not true.
Actually Joe Kinnear is thinking f*****g B*****d c**t. **** **** a**o b*****ks

They Think Its All Football Saturday January 10th 2009

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

Lucy 'gutted' to miss cup clashCelebrity Big Brother housemate Lucy Pinder gives her support to
Southampton ahead of their FA Cup match against Manchester United.
The Saints definitly missed a big pair up front as they crashed 3-0 to United...

Thought of the Day
If Michael Dawson had a column in the spurs programme talking abut the last seven days, would it be called Dawsons Weekly?

They Say Bad Luck Comes In Three's
In 2008 Jermaine Defoe missed two cup Finals Winners Medals... (Spurs Carling Cup v Chelsea and Portsmouth FA Cup v Cardiff)
Now he's back at Spurs will he get three Finals in Four months?
(Carling, FA and UEFA Cup...)

Alpahbet Coup
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger wants to sign Andre Arshavin..
Eh? Or I should say A A A A?

WHAT A WINKER
Ronaldo survived a car crash in a Manchester tunnel this week, drawing
comparisons with Diana Princess of Wales.
Both are of course known for their chairty work, Diana with AIDS victims, and Ronaldo accepting £140,000 a week at Man United when he could get £180,000 at Real Madrid.

Ronaldo blamed a patch of oil on the road for the accident which wrote off his £200,000 Bentley (don't worry he has a different car for every day of the week) .
Prince Philip was unavailable for comment.

Newspaper Headlines of The Week:
United left stunned by the nous of Commons (Metro)
Lords Undone by Commons (Mail)
After... Derby 1 Manchester United 0 in the Carling Cup semi-final

Thought of The Day2:
Is a player allowed to walk on the pitch at half-time if the transfer hasn't been finalised yet?

Result of the day:Portsmouth v Manchester City, Match Postponed due to frozen pitch.
Tony Adams keeps his job for another week...

Predictions for 2009

Article to follow

The Magic of The FA Cup... January 2009

** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has taken the club off the market after failing to find a buyer after three months...
After a 5-1 home defeat to Liverpool, he'll be lucky if he can give the club away for free...

Stoke player Ricardo Fuller was sent off for slapping his captain Andy Griffin during a 2-1 home defeat to West Ham.
Opposing player Lee Bowyer has described Fuller as the perfect team mate...

Thought of the day:
Tony Adams given a Premiership job after failing at Wycombe...
Is that what is meant by a Sporting Chance?


Spurs footballer crowdsurfs at Kings gigSpurs and England footballer David Bentley crowdsurfs at a Kings of Leon concert.
Typical Spurs, been playing out of position all season...


Thought of the day (2)
If the televised Preston v Liverpool game had been called off after the bad weather, could tv bosses have got a rematch of Steven Gerrard v the Living Lounge DJ to entertain viewers at home?

Player of the weekend: John Nutter (Gillingham) just because...

Thought of the day (3)
Do Gillingham have any supporters called Gill Ingham? (Quick google or facebook it...)

Thought of the day (4)
12 Million quid for Wayne Bridge. Would it have been cheaper to buy the whole of Nottingham Forest? (who knocked City out of the Cup)
It's not all doom and gloom for Mark Hughes. He can now spend more time with the transfer window...

The Magic of the FA Cup:
How comes Aston Villa didn't draw Manchester United (again) this year?

Has John got any brothers or sisters? Nathan Nutter, Natalie Nutter, Uncle? Norris Nutter...

Everyone is talking about the FA Cup draw and looking forward to Everton v Liverpool.
Personally I was looking forward to Macclesfield v Preston.

And finally...
Congratulations to Hartlepool! 55 seconds on ITV highlights!

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

They Think It's All Football December 30th 2008

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


What Goes Around Comes Around...
Alex Ferguson says he won't be selling 'a virus' to that mob (Real Madrid) after the media again reported they are after Christian Ronaldo when the January transfer window opens.
In the last summer, Real Madrid courted Ronaldo but Manchester United refused. In a similar line of events, Man United courted Dimi Berbatov, and finally got their man on the final day of the transfer window, with
Fergie himself picking up Berbatov from the airport and giving him a tour of the training ground.
This left spurs without time to sign a replacement (although they knew for months that Berbatov was on Sir Alex's radar) and subsequently had a bad start to the season which led to the manager, Juan Ramos, being
sacked.
Juan Ramos is now back in Spain, at... Real Madrid... preparing for the next transfer window bid for Ronaldo... NICE...


Been Around The World And Aye Aye AyeManchester United fell further fixtures behind in the Premier League while competing in the World Club Championship in Yokohama, Japan.
On the plus side, their loyal fanbase in Tokyo only had half an hour
to travel to see their heroes in action
... 


Manchester United defeated LD Quito from Ecudor 1-0 in the FIFA World Club Cup Final in Yokohama, Japan.
They will now wait for the Inter Planet championship on Mars but face criticism in England for missing a league match at Fulham...

Thought Of The DayIf Chelsea had a feeder club in Belgium would they be called Stamford Brugge?

Headline of the weekMan City 5 Men Sitting 1  (after Hull City half-time team talk on the pitch..)

Another Thought...Martin O'Neill knows he has arrived in the top four, when he gets accused of mind games by Arsene Wenger...

They Think It's all Fffffootball... December

*** Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***


Can We Play Real Every Week?Celtic manager Gordon Strachan explained the reason for breaking their
european duck with a win over Villareal.
"It was the yellow kit, we thought we were playing East Fife in the
Scottish Cup"



Michael Owen is considering joining Spurs in the transfer window.
He was initially impressed with the local hospital facilities and has
heard good things about the St Johns ambulance staff in the ground.



Bang To Rights
Middlesbrough and The FA are unhappy a Newcastle fan who racially abused Egyptian striker Mido has not received a banning order.
The Judge explained 'having a season ticket at Newcastle is punishment enough'.


Calm Down Calm Down
Rafa Benitez has admitted that Liverpool won't win the Premiership this season.
He was forced to admit it after a journalist found his betting slip with 50 grand on Chelsea and kindly returned it to him.

One day later, Benitez backtracked, saying Liverpool have a 80% chance of winnng the Premiership if they are top at Christmas.
Journalists have decided to have a whip round and buy Rafa a calculator
for Christmas
..

The Only Way Is Up, Maybe
The incredible rise of Hull City has continued, from the bottom of the Fourth division ten years ago to the top six of the Premiership, inclusing wins over Arsenal and Tottenham and a draw at Anfield.
Manager Phil Brown however was unhappy with FIFA, who have refused to
invite Hull City to the World Club Championship starting this week in Japan
..

I Did Not See The League Table Incident
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger still believes his team can win the Premiership after dropping more points in a 1-1 draw with Middlesbrough.
Obviously,for Christmas he is hoping Man United, Chelsea and Liverpool
get the same present (points deduction) as Rotherham, Bournemouth and Luton
.

The Chips Are All Right
Former Spurs manager Juane Ramos says the players diet was the reason for the clubs bad start to the season when he was manager.
I suppose now Harry Redknapp is in charge and spurs are off the bottom
of the table, Ramos is back in Spain eating lots of humble pie.



X Marks The Stud Marks
Wayne Rooney's streak of correctly picking the X Factor winner continues.
He's certainly 'stamped' his authority on predicting X Factor winners ...


Unluckiest fan of the Week Award must go to Albert Goolstrap of Twickenham.
Brentford fan Albert regrets leaving the match v Bradford early on Saturday when the score was 0-0. Nipping out in the 85th minute to beat the traffic, he missed goals in the 88th, 89th and 90th minute as his team won 2-1...

You Don't Say?
An anagram of Paul Ince is U Nice Pal...
Plain Cue or Cue L Pain (L stand for Losing?)

Thought of the Day:
If Roy Keane had got the Blackburn job, would he be Roy of The Rovers?

They think it's all football... December 5-15th 2008

They Think It's All ffff...football
***Putting *** the *** ffff... fun *** into *** Football ***

December 5th
Barry Hearn is planning to buy The Honda Formula One racing team.
He has a very succesful record of buying sporting teams for Buttons...
(Flats on the corner of Silverstone and Brands Hatch?)

December 6th
Thought of the day... If I write a film screenplay about Manchester United, will it be a
manuscript?


December 7th
Poll of the week:
If Robbie Keane goes back to spurs will it be because of
a) TheCredit crunch?  b) The January sales? c) he's crap?

December 8th
Manchester City player Darius Vassel was mugged at gunpoint of £23,000
worth of jewelry after the Manchester City Christmas party.
On the plus side, he is now eligible for a transfer to Liverpool.

December 9th
Luiz Felipo Scolari says he is under zero pressure at Chelsea, but managing Brazil was real pressure...
Having just learned that Spurs Brazilian goalkeeper Gomez has played 17 times for his country, I understand exactly what he means...

December 10th
Juan Ramos gets a job as manager of Real Madrid 45 days after being sacked by spurs.
I know the Spanish like a siesta but that is ridiculous.

December 11th
Thought of The Day... Did Arsenal fans boo Emmanuel Eboue because he has manu in his
first name? Or because his surname sounds like "eh, boo me..."

December 12th
Police released CCTV images of 16 Tottenham supporters they would like to speak to over the abuse of former player Sol Campbell.
One fan identified said he was deeply ashamed and he would not be acting in this manner at football matches again. He said "Now all my friends and work colleagues know I support Tottenham. I'm so embarrassed"

December 13th
Tottenham coach Clive Allen says Dimitar Berbatov will get a warm reception when returning to White Hart Lane with Manchester United on Saturday.
Spurs fans are planning on setting fire to his hair. 
(assuming they've not been arrested for abusing Sol Campbell)..

December 14th

Gillingham chairman Paul Scally has promised supporters to splash the cash in the next few weeks when the January transfer window opens...
The bad news for fans is he's planning to go to Woolworths...


Thursday 24 September 2009

Welcome to the radiogagger blog

Hey, thanks for tuning in, oh hang on a minute, this is not a radio show right?

Ok, I got my head round it, this is a blog.

It's a showcase of my stuff, mainly writing, not that stuff!! Shame on you, you dirty minded pup.

I'll be addding stuff about my favourite stuff - mainly radio, football, comedy, twitter and then some random stuff.

You have been warned.

First up is the football...

Have I said stuff too many times?